Every time I write about the kids on my blog, wonderful people send comments and e-mails, telling me what a great parent I am. This sends my Shoulder Sitter on a rampage. She screams, “Fraud! If they only saw how you snapped at poor Seth, putting him to bed last night!”
She screams, “Fake! You could never count the number of times you’ve lost it on Riley when what she needed was more patience and understanding!”
The thing is, Shoulder Sitter, I write to process my life. Often, by the time I finish a piece, I’ve resolved something. Hopefully, I’ve learned something. I’m not trying to come off as perfect. We teach (or write about) what we need to learn and I am in great need of learning.
After wrestling with the Shoulder Sitter a while yesterday, I got an e-mail telling me a humor piece I wrote titled Teach Your Kids to Swear will be published today in The Imperfect Parent.
Now that’s just perfect!
You see, I am a potty mouth. Thus far, I have kept it at bay in front of the kids, but Todd teases me about my "Tourette's." My tic presents itself as a string of profanity that seems to fly involuntarily out of my mouth the second our kid's little heads hit their pillows at night. You see, I hold it in all day.
I checked out my piece in The Imperfect Parent this morning, and to my horror, there is a picture of a little kid giving the finger attatched! My piece is funny because it's not real. The picture of the child flipping the bird...well...that's unmistakably real and for me, it takes away some of the funny. Granted, The Imperfect Parent is known for differentiating itself from mainstream websites and magazines. They aren't interested in fake polished depictions of parenthood. Plus, they firmly planted the article in their humor section.
Oh well, lesson learned. Submit a piece called Teach Your Kids to Swear, and what do you expect? Still, those of you who are easily offended might want to skip this one. At the very least, maybe my Shoudler Sitter will shut up for a couple of minutes.
http://www.imperfectparent.com/humor/articles199_1.php
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8 comments:
Ha ha, I loved the article! Picture or no picture, very funny!
If it makes you feel any better I read the article because of the crazy picture, oh and the intriguing title, of course. Very funny!
ah, a kindred spirit.
i recently told my boys, 12 & 13 that i have decided that i am allowed to swear now. the only reason i held back up until now was because i didn't want them to swear and make the mistake of swearing at an inopportune time. i don't find swearing offensive. i find it satisfying. it punctuates in a way that nothing else does. i DO know when not to swear.
the boys are at an age where they hear swearing ALL the time. the middle school playground is a bevy of profanity. they are accustomed to hearing it. yes, one could argue that it's a double standard, if i don't allow them to swear. i think of it as something akin to drinking a beer, i am allowed because i am old enough. right now the rule is no. however, i wouldn't be likely to be punitive unless they used it inappropriately or disrespectfully. i figure, i can teach them when not to do it this way. i draw my line at name calling and swearing at someone in anger.
if they drop something on their toe and let out a stream of @#$%^& in the privacy of home, i won't be dishing out the consequences. for now though, they don't need to know that. bla bla bla, sorry so long!
now to go read your article! :)
okay, little did i know! just read your article AFTER typing my big long comment above. very funny. guess we think alike! oh, but you were kidding right..LOL!
Michelle - Tell your Shoulder Sitter to take his union-mandated 1/2 hour lunch break when you are reading your comments. :) We are so much harder on ourselves than we should be - there is no such thing as the perfect parent! You should take the positive comments and bank them up for the times when you're feeling low and the Shoulder Sitter is on one of his rants! I just appreciate your honesty and being real about the struggles of parenting. We all have much to learn . . .
BTW - thought the article was very clever! I have some personal issues with swearing for me and my kids but I don't begrudge the option to anyone else.
#!*@#^&##+@&**!!
Love you
Mom
Holy crap,Mom! I think I heard you say "damn" two times growing up. I was worried about your reaction (and Todd's mom's)reaction to this post! Glad you thought it was funny!
Well behaved women rarely make history!!
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