Riley's teacher went to an Asperger's/Autism conference over the weekend. She told me of a young college student with Asperger's who gave a presentation. The student explained how confusing it was growing up.
Her mother would breeze through the kitchen, point to her and say,
"I want you to think about unloading that dishwasher."
Later, the mother would be furious to find the dishwasher still full.
But she hadn't been told to unload it. She was told to "think about it."
And she did.
Just as she was told.
And she didn't understand why her mom was always so mad at her.
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13 comments:
I have 2 adult friends that have Asperger's and Autism and I am constantly aware of always knowing that they hear EXACTLY what I say.
It's made me really think about my conversations with them and be aware of not confusing them.
Thanks for the post Michelle.
Hilarious and sad, all at the same time.
The fine distinctions are the toughest for all of us. How much more challenging it must be for people on the spectrum.
Thanks for the peek into that world, Michelle.
Suzy,
I LOVE you for having two adult friends on the spectrum. I already loved you, but now I love you even more!
:)
Back to the 4 Agreements - be impeccable with your word!
Those 4 Agreements seemed so incredibly hard to me at first, but when I look at a specific example like this, they seem more possible.
Everyone deserves to have us say what we mean, wherever they are on whatever spectrum. Great lesson today--thanks!
I've found myself in that trap with my husband and gotten really frustrated with him. I have to remember that nobody can read my mind (and nobody in their right mind would want to), so I have to say what I mean. Thanks, Michelle!
Interesting story that reveals a lot about Aspergers/autism. I seem to recall reading some work by Oliver Sacks, regarding a woman with autism who became quite a renowned expert on technologies connected to the food industry. Many of your stories have the same fascination for me.
I completely relate. Hmmm, what does this mean?
I've recently made friends with an adult with autism - she told me she hates her stomach problems. She'd never heard of the GFCF diet. I hope to spend time with her to help her navigate that realm. She's so kind to my girls. A lovely 27 year old woman I am priveleged to call a friend. Someone tell Christschool for me, OK? :)
This reminds me of when someone says to Adam "would you like to help me with this?" Adam often looks at them and sweetly says "no." He wouldn't like to ... but thanks for asking. Chances are if they said "please help me with this " they might get some help. Have to say though that with the gfcf diet he is not nearly as literal as he used to be :)
I have to be exact with my oldest and she's not on the spectrum. (Now that I think about it, I wonder if she is and maybe a very mild form??)
About three or four years ago, I told her to please put the clothes out of the dryer and into the laundry basket. And then put the wash into the dryer.
Well, she put the wet clothes into the dryer without turning it on. And I asked her where the basket was.
"Mom, you didn't tell me to bring the basket upstairs." (It's in the basement.) My oldest also says that I never "told" her to turn on the dryer.
Selective hearing? Or just my oversight-assuming that she knew how to turn on the dryer and read my mind that I wanted the basket of clothes taken out of the basement and carried upstairs?
I had to give her exact step-by-step instructions. (I don't have to do that once she knows what to do.) I grew up watching people. I learned by observing people. I am hard-of-hearing. She didn't really "watch" what I was doing when I did chores.
We all continue to learn that other people learn differently.
Thanks for this post. :)
This reminds me of the friend who told me that she was constantly punished as a child for speaking in "that tone of voice" to her mother. Ginny said she wouldn't have spoken in it but she didn't know what a "tona" voice was.
ohhh... life's hard...
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