Each week, the exercises for vision therapy change. The first day is always brutal, and today was no exception. Simply breathing and coordinating body movements is excruciating if you have no clue where your body is in space, and if you hold your breath due to anxiety all the time.
Both kids cried and carried on. This, on top of the usual stress of getting ready for school. I managed to yell at each of them, insisting they swallow their feelings and just do it. It's a wobbly tightrope I walk, sometimes firm, sometimes yielding, never knowing if I'm getting it right?
All I wanted to do today was get them out of here. Off you go. Go to school. Leave me alone. I can't take it.
When I feel this way I stop really seeing my children. Walking around in my own head, I don't hear their requests til' the third time they say something.
"What?" I ask.
We are seriously considering a move to Ohio. A school for Riley. Too many details swirl around in my brain paralyzing me and I can't get anything done.
The house is a mess. Several repairs are needed before we could even think of selling it. I need to do laundry. What will I make for dinner? What will the urine test we sent to France turn up as far as toxic load? If this cat doesn't stop following me around meowing. I should look on realtor.com, I should call about preschools for Seth. I have to put a check in the mail to the kid's doctor, and on and on and on......and SHUT UP!!!!!!
I can't take it inside my own head today.
Meditation anyone?
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7 comments:
Michelle,
I have seen your comments over and over on Roughly Speaking - and I am embarrassed to say that this is the first time I have seen your blog.
But what I GREAT article. Man, I feel like that alot!! I'm all up for meditation...
Or better still...Medication anyone?
Hang in there Michelle- you do a hell of a job in everything you do.
Take care of yourself.
Love
Suzy
Sounds like you, too, might be holding your breath.
Breathe, Michelle. Just breathe.
You are loved.
You're preaching to the choir, Sister!
If you could SEE my pile(s) of laundry! Ha! It would make you feel better. Trust me. I should just post it for you. ;)
We all have days like these. I have them A LOT. Yes, just breath...
xoxo
:)
I can absolutely relate to that feeling. Breathing and meditation definitely help.
Also, I try to stop thinking about everything swirling around me at once and follow this mantra: choose and complete, choose and complete. It helps me get one or two things done and off the list, rather than panicking about everything and finishing nothing (which I have done frequently!).
God, I so relate. I know it's bad to say, but it makes me feel so sane when I hear this because I think it's so easy to hide these feelings of mothering, and to isolate and feel guilty. Thank you for bringing it to the light.
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