But I kept waking up with Tara Mandala in the forefront of my consciousness. Day after day, this place I'd never seen called to me. Finally, I gave in and registered to go.
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I ordered some audio tapes from Tara Mandala's website in an effort to find out just what I was getting myself into. One of the tapes was about a meditation practice called Chod, otherwise known as "Feeding the Demon." Tsultrim Allione, founder of Tara Mandala takes you through the exercise in the series.
In time, Jennifer Lauck would work her own mojo on me, but the Chod practice would change my life before I even got to Colorado.
Your demon is whatever may be bugging you. A person, a physical condition, a problem you want to solve.
The meditation is a bit complex, but basically you visualize the problem or person as your demon, and, when you are relaxed and open, you ask it what it wants, and then surrender to it.
My demon was a four year old girl with straight brown hair and big eyes. Her neurological system had been damaged and she could not stop screaming. Every bump in the road was traumatic for her. She had very little ability to calm herself. My demon was miserable and so was I.
At the time, I'd figured out her sensory issues and understood them on an intellectual level. I no longer screamed at her. I no longer tossed her roughly onto the bed in her room and slammed the door.
During the Chod meditation my demon told me:
"It isn't enough that you don't scream at me. It isn't enough that you don't hit me. I need you to stop rolling your eyes and sighing heavy when I'm having a hard time. I need you to know I'm trying. I need you to know I'm scared and I'm doing the best I can. I need you to not just tolerate me, but to love me, no matter how I'm behaving."
I surrendered.
I felt an immediate shift. I did this meditation for weeks until the change in my attitude felt solid.
I've been rewarded every single day since.
* Tsultrim Allione will be teaching on the east coast in April, in Massachusetts and then NYC. Check out the Tara Mandala schedule for details.
11 comments:
A-f'ing-men! I adore the concept of the chod practice. I've listened to Tsultrim's tapes on that too. Amazing. Weird-ass practice, but great concept!
That sounds amazing. To really listen to what your demon wants and needs from you, so you can really understand it. Great idea to think about, for all parents. Thank you!
INteresting exercise. I'm told in the very remote areas of Tibet, there is shamanistic practice of setting out food and drink to appease the maras (negative spirits) before beginning meditation. This sounds like a somewhat modernized form of that practice.
I do believe I will try this. Thanks for the suggestion.
"Did I really want to go somewhere for a whole week? No phone? No electricity? Not even cell phone reception? " That totally appeals to me! Maybe I should go...
Tears in my eyes. So many levels of understading, but what I gift to find a practice that unlocked them and shifted life so dramatically for you and her both.
You explained the practice so well. I went to retreat this winter and learned the feeding the demons practice with TSultrim. It is a powerful, yet accessible- not too complicated by Tibetan Buddhist standards. It is very similar to Jungian therapy and the externalization of the "demon" - it just feels good to acknowledge what's up and embrace it. Because what we reisist, persists. I think everyone would benefit from this practice.
I checked out the NYC appearance. May be worth it to feed my demon.
Again, thanks for the reminder. I've had a similar shift lately and still looking to that little one for guidance. And I will grab my tapes and look to Tsultrum.
I won't be needing to go to this here seminar, I have a new Guru-You!
You are such a good teacher. I have learned so much from you. Thank you!
I love this. How brave you are to jump into this meditation! I'm inspired to try it myself.
Not enough has been made of your openness, Michelle. You teach me new ideas, concepts, ways of being in the world, over and over.
Thanks for this one, especially. I've got me a demon over here lately and we clearly need to have a heart-to-heart.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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