In Lynchburg, on the Fallwell side of town, there is a big hill with a gigantic L.U. on it. As we drive past, Riley says,
"L.U."
"That stands for Liberty University." I say.
"I know that." she replies.
"Mom, I think I'll go to college when I'm 18. "
"Okay." I say, as I merge onto the exit for the mall.
"But you won't be going to Liberty." I think to myself.
She pauses.
"Well.....I do have a bit of autism." (She pronounces it Aw-TIZ-um).
My throat constricts. Does she think she can't go to college? Glancing at her in the rearview mirror, I begin forming a careful response, but before I open my mouth she continues,
"Kids with Aw-TIZ-um are really smart. You have to be smart to go to college."
My shoulders drop and I let out a big sigh. She thinks she's destined for college, because of the autism.
"Maybe I'll go when I'm 19?" she asks.
"It's entirely up to you Riley. Whenever you're ready."
At the mall we head straight to Macy's. She's outgrown all her clothes. I'm in such a good mood about our conversation, I spend way more than I probably would have on cute little outfits for her. Just us girls. We sniff perfumes. We walk around. She rides the merry-go-round. Twice.
On the way home I flip on the car stereo and Bob Marley is singing, No Woman, No Cry.
"Riley, this is reggae music. It's from Jamaica, where me and Daddy went on our honeymoon."
"Was I in your belly?" she asks.
"Nope, not yet.
"Oh." she says.
In my mirror, I see her arms are doing their little tic. It happens when she's really excited, or deep in thought.
After a minute she says,
"When you were in Jamaica, I must have still been in Pure Love."
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21 comments:
You are killing me here, love this post! Great witnessing! It is the finest writing there is. Just watch and tell us what you see...what you hear...what's around you...and do it with the simple speech of a pure heart.
Thank you, Michelle. You are becoming a master!
Fucking KILL me, why don't you!
P.S. I got in my comment before Link...we are at the same table...not remotely competitive!
I think the problem with so many of us is that we feel unseen...never had a true reflection back to us as kids. No matter how our culture defines Riley, she has the gift of freedom to be herself and to be honored...that puts her in a rare position. It's so obvious already, the impact of that kind of love on the spirit. Bless you, Michelle.
Riley is an enchanting child. I would love to know her, but your little sketches tell so much in so few words.
I have no doubt that she will do whatever she wants to do in her life. She is incredibly special.
Seems Riley is far ahead of us on so many counts.
Her heart and mind are so pure, she will always be in
"Pure Love."
i have two spectrum kids. both of them are wonderful and brilliant, and i pray every day that they will go to college and live happy succesful lives.
i love this post, you so effectively convey all of the spectrum-mom angst i feel every day so much better than i ever could.
Pure Love - how could you have heard this and not just burst with love yourself? -wow-
Thank you so much for this writing this post ... Carrie sent it to me. (Thanks, Carrie!)
I too have been in the middle of forming one of those careful responses when I get one of those wonderful surprises.
You capture it all so perfectly.
So beautiful. She is amazing. And ditto riversgrace--she is so lucky to have you to honor and truly "see" her.
Beautiful and brilliant, Michelle. Just like you.
Classic Riley! She is such a delight!
Pure Love - oh that says everything that needs to be said.
great story.
I think I'm in love with your daughter. Just send her sweetness on over will you?
This post is beautiful! Riley has so much to teach us..what a gift. You really captured the mother/daughter connection/love that will always be there pure and strong. Thank you so much for sharing this.
She is smart! And, more importantly, wise.
Nope, that apple didn't fall far from the tree at all. With Hot Toddy and two such terrific kids to mirror back your amazing soul, how could you not be in "pure love"?
sweet thing. Nothing like shopping at the mall.
I am in Pure Love with Riley.
...Oh my. That is way too sweet.
:)
Wow, Michelle. That is so sweet and you tell it so perfectly. I was going to say how lucky you both are to have each other, to see so much. But I don't think it's luck.
I really want to meet this girl someday. And you. Do I say that every time I comment here??
Oh my God! Your kids are beyond smart.
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