As you sit five strong at your picnic table beside the crowded playground, chatting it up, I've been holding my six year old daughter’s hand, helping her be brave enough to approach the play structure. One eye is on my four year old son who is running around with your kids.
It’s a gorgeous day at the park. Two more days of spring break. Kids dart all over the place, and my daughter squeezes my hand extra hard whenever another child gets too close. It's very loud.
When it becomes apparent the stimulation is too much, we look for swings. Swinging soothes her. It’s a solitary activity, that allows her to observe the action, without being right in it. When a swing finally opens up she climbs on and begins to pump, high up to the sky.
She's smiling now.
I wander back to the playground to check on my son.
Soon there is screaming.
One of your boys walked right in front of her swing and she is terrified of hitting him.
It takes me a minute to soothe her.
Riley, it’s okay. You’re okay.
She starts swinging again.
But your boy sees he got a rise out of her, so he runs in front of her a second time.
Terror for her.
I ask your boy three times nicely to stop running in front of her swing, but he ignores me.
She screams. She cries. My son runs from the playground to stand near his sister's swing.
Typical moms. Are you really so engaged in your conversation that you don't hear her? Do you pay attention to your kids at all?
He does it again.
I lose it.
"I NEED YOU TO STOP RUNNING IN FRONT OF HER SWING. NOW!"
You flip your heads my way and flash me dirty looks the remainder of our time at the park.
25 comments:
God, I wish this entry hadn't felt so familiar to me...
Totally unacceptable, no matter how "typical" your kids may be.
I am flashing them a really dirty look at my desk right now.
sigh.
Do those moms go to a playgroup near my house, by any chance?
We have this problem too. This makes me wonder, how common is this? Why are kids so bratty? This is why I will never do daycare even though I stay at home with my kids (eating bon bons and watching daytime tee vee). Other people's kids are so poorly behaved and when they interact badly with my kids, what CAN I do?
It's a familiar experience to me as well. Just want to scream "get off your butt and take care of your kid." I DO and will continue to clue them in, no matter what kind of looks I get! So, there!
Yeah, I yelled at some bigger boys at a play place yesterday because they were trapping the little one's. I got the dirty looks too.
I have to say though, as a mother of a now "older" boy. You miss some things sometimes. But I certainly wouldn't give the other mom a dirty look for reprimanding my son. It would more likely be a thank you for helping me out look! What's up with people these days? Why are they so insecure?
Heavy sigh.... so f'ing true.
This wasn't an older boy. He was about five, and I must say, my tone was pretty severe with him.
On a better day, I would have sought out his mother and had a nice, calm chat, explaining the whole autism thing. Some days I just don't have it in me.
Autism or not, he was behaving badly and his mother was not paying attention in the least.
I think I scared the hell out of the little dude. He bolted away like a rocket.
We all know these women. They live in every community and we know theirs are the kids who will likely grow up with messed up lives. Riley and Seth - they'll be the smart, successful, CARING people who help others and do great things in this world.
I would have gone over to them and told them to get their kid in line. I do this all the time. people get over it, trust me. ;)
Next time, don't be so nice. Be more "typical". Be RUDE.
:)
I can TASTE that experience. Have you seen the film, "Little Children"?
Great scenes with exactly these types...
And I think it is funny he darted away! Haha! That will teach him, and he will live.
One time this kid at our gym was being mean to Wyatt, and giving him dirty looks when Wyatt was being nice to him. He said something, like "whatever, stupid"-- right in front of me. But he didn't know I was his mom...I bent over and looked in his face and said "NO one like MEAN little boys, kid." in this really low voice with my eyes all squinty. He about peed his pants.
Oh, I know! I am SOOO mean. Pft. WhatEVER. LOL!
:)
so NOT cool.
i'm flipping them off right now.
The mothers should be smacked in the head with the swings.
Uh oh. "The Look." I hate it. I've written about it. I've seen it. I wonder if, before my kids were born, I'd given the look to another Mom. I'm so sorry this happened to Riley. And you. I am flashing them a look AND the bird. Sigh about sums it up.
I'd have made him cut his own switch from a tree if I was there! What is it with those Moms?
We have an almost daily screaming, flailing, bolistic fit at the park....and other moms either stare or look with disdain. How hard is it to offer a kind glance? I totally get how exhausted most moms are, but really, I try to be very aware of what my kid is doing so that another mom doesn't have to deal with more than what she's handling already.
If I were at that park I would have scared that kid away before you had to!
You did what you, and any other mother would have done, in that situation. My heart goes out to you. Sorry you had to go through that.
And I just went out to the neighborhood park today with my seven-year-old (not autistic). Very few kids were there. No other parents around. Scary.
I do remember warm summer evenings last year-moms chatting while kids play. Maybe it's my fears of abduction, but I watched my kids.
Strange, but if my son was running back and forth in front of a swing I'd want him to stop. You know, the whole brutal injury thing.
I hear you about not wanting to have to explain the whole autism thing everytime someone is rude...perhaps we could make flash cards to pull out at appropriate times. We could get creative!
It is so hard to know how to handle things like this. You don't want to overstep your bounds and discipline another person's child, but you feel the need to protect your own kids, too.
I would imagine that those moms are probably getting some much-needed social contact with other adults after staying at home with their kids all day long. Their kids have, by now, figured out, that when their mothers are engaged in conversations with their friends they can get away with more. Unfortunately, this is almost always a recipe for disaster.
Nonetheless, they should not have vilified you. An apology for the lack of supervision would have been much more appropriate.
I hope Riley doesn't remember this too strongly the next time you venture out to the park.
Love.
I actually just blogged about an experience with some kids. They were little monsters but but it wasn't really directed at us and they weren't fighting each other. I think they were talking about a peer at school. The short story is they were referring to him as that "R" word I hate. We weren't really playing in the same area so I didn't really know how to react.
I hate that our children are so vulnerable! I want to shelter my son forever but I know I can't do that either. What is a mom to do!!!
My blood is boiling over this, and I've never even met Riley or Seth. (Or you, for that matter.)
You shouldn't have to explain anything to a stranger who wasn't watching her own child.
And if he got hit by the swing, you know his mother would blame you and Riley.
It isn't fair. But explaining about autism is in effect asking her to have a heart and behave decently, and you shouldn't have to make such a request.
It's perfectly horrible that you and Riley were put in this situation. What is wrong with people, anyway?
Carrie Link sent me to your site for another post and I read your others.
This story, too, is so familiar to me -- thank you for capturing the scene so well.
I am thinking of one mother in particular and her two frightening children who, for a long time, made my children's lives -- especially the one who is most affected by sensory integration dysfunction -- pure hell. The mother was always too engaged in conversation to watch them -- she actually turned her back on them -- and they delighted in doing whatever they could to torment other children, even at the ages of three, four or five. They also did things at school when the teacher wasn't looking (not a surprise).
The boy you encountered sounds mean. There is a big difference between being mischevious and being MEAN.
I think when a child is that mean, there is something wrong ... at home ... in our case with this particular family, we realized that the mother was herself a bully.
And, yes, my husband and I have gotten those dirty looks, too, even when no other children were involved and something overstimulated one of our children (like one time when a balloon accidentallly popped in a restaurant, setting off a major "bender" for our son) and we had to leave quickly while he was screaming, kicking and crying, with our other two children in tow. We always know that people are thinking when something like this happens: "What a brat!" and/or "What horrible parents!"
Better luck next time at the park ... and I do hope that boy was scared!
Sorry -bad day at the park.
You did what you felt you had to do. It takes a village to raise a child. If people weren't so competitive and perfection driven then your discipline wouldn't not have caused a stir.
Don't beat yourself up. Just say "no" to the critic.
I've never been a park person. Way too many kids (I get overstimulated like Riley) WAY too much chit-chat.
luv u.
Post a Comment