If I hear one more description of autistic children using the words, "lacking empathy," I'm going to scream. (Apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it)?
This is just another way the "limits" of the experts rattle the actual facts.
Let's not mistake an impaired ability to read social cues or facial expressions, for a lack of empathy, okay?
My child may not appear empathetic on the spot, but if you explain to her what's going on, she's actually hyper-empathetic. She feels deeply for others which is no surprise, given her acute sensitivity to everything else in the world.
Example:
Riley is frightened of a bee at an outdoor market. Frightened to the point of panic. She runs and when I catch her she screams. SCREAMS! Glancing around as I try to comfort her, I notice a toddler, who is about to cry, because of Riley's noise.
"Riley." Kneeling down and taking her hands I keep my voice even, calm.
"Riley. There is a baby over there and your screaming is scaring her."
My daughter is in full blown panic. Her body is shaking. I move my hand to her heart and it's beating fast, like a rabbit. Moving her own hand to her chest, I place mine over hers. This is how we acknowledge what's happening in her body.
Yes body, you are afraid. Let's calm you down.
She looks in my eyes, hers pleading. She doesn't like to feel like this.
She glances in the direction of the baby, and gulps, stifling her noise, tears streaming down her face.
We breathe together. We've been practicing deep breathing since she was three. She's getting really good at this. Five big breaths is usually all it takes.
She looks at the baby again. Her fear is still high, but she knows what it's like to be scared. She does not want to scare the baby.
Impaired social awareness, perhaps.
Lack of empathy.
No way.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
17 comments:
Oh, that just touched me so deeply, you two sitting together, hands over hands, acknowledging her beating heart and breathing through it. Together. You are a wonderful mother.
And Riley is a deeply empathetic and compassionate soul. Anyone who reads this post will never ever say that again about people on the spectrum.
You are so on the money. I've claimed this for years with my own daughter. As she gets older, she is more able to cope with the input and act "appropriately" in shorter and shorter amounts of time.
The deep breathing works for her?! Five breaths? What a star! I like your hand-to-heart idea. Mind if I use it?
Riley is sweeter than honey. I am with the "over empathetic" theory myself.Sweet imagery, so sweet.
Lack of empathy - that's the one that really shook me when we got the diagnosis. I'm seeing that's not true too. :) Beautiful beautiful post.
Such a beautiful image between the two of you. I so agree, anyone who reads your Blog know what a caring and highly empathetic child Riley is.
Many people on the spectrum are very empathetic. It is a huge misconception.
Holly is sitting next to me and says, "She's so good with her," and my eyes are all teary. "Yes, she is..."
You're amazing, Michelle, and so is Riley. Like two old monks.
This is SO dead-on. You are an awesome writer and an awesomer mother.
Love how you show her with the hand on the heart the difference of what is going on with her and you/others. Speaks way better than words ever could.
Great piece, Michele. It conveys the reality far more effectively than the so-called experts can do.
Hand over heart. Heart over hand. You guide your children with such love and compassion, Michelle.
Love. Grace. Empathy. It's all right here. All right there within you and your daughter and your writing.
Beautiful.
So f'ing well differentiated! Thank you!
You are a rock star. For your own family and others who need to know more about kids on the spectrum. Rock on!
Hi Michelle, lovely post. I have often thought about this too. I have wondered, after observing James whether it is not that he lacks empathy, but that he is so sensitive that he has to tune out in some way because his sensitivity to others is overwhelming for him. Thereby giving the illusion of a lack of empathy. There is definitely so much that is misunderstood.
What a great way to make her aware of her body and show empathy towards another. Wow. I am impressed. In the past, I have heard how "aloof" autistic children are and how hard it is to draw them out of their world. Thank you for showing me another side-or a better way to draw out the best in them. I have never met one, except for a few moments with a friend's child, but never enough to see how my friend works with him. I only saw a quiet side to him. Again, thank you for opening my eyes. Never believe everything you read...except, of course, your blog. :)
Riley is brave and beautiful.
Thanks for teaching us all Michelle.
This was so touching. What a good girl.
:)
Wow. That's just amazing. What an amazing guide you are for her Michelle. Many blessings to you both!
Post a Comment