"Open your heart."
It was an offhanded comment Jennifer made. She was instructing us in meditation. We were just getting started, shifting around on our butts to find a comfortable position.
She said we often hunch our shoulders as a way to protect our hearts. Symbolically, it made so much sense.
I've protected my heart so much that at 38 I fear I've the start of a Dowager's hump. Not noticeable to anyone but me and my aching right shoulder if I've not been to yoga in a while. No dancer's posture here. I catch myself slumping all the time.
Now, when I see old ladies all contracted forward, I'm filled with compassion. I want to ask them, "What needed all that protecting?" and "Was it worth it?"
Years ago, I heard Marianne Williamson, in a tape on eating disorders say, when you look at an overweight person, keep in mind "the weight is the size of their wound."
Strange how our bodies give us away. Then again, not strange at all.
Todd worked the evening shift last night, and got home late. He actually wasn't late, but we'd miscommunicated, and I thought he was very late. Sitting in my worried quiet, it occurred to me that I don't know what route he takes to work? I would have no idea where to look for him in this new city if the car broke down. He doesn't carry a cell. There was no one I could call.
I've gained six pounds since our move.
I'm hunching.
When I caught myself just now, I asked,
"Do you feel safe yet?"
"No. Not yet. Things are too up in the air. Nothing is settled. New schools for the kids. New doctors. Todd's new job isn't working out. New everything. It's all too much."
"I see."
Throwing my shoulders back, I take a deep breath, and work on opening my heart anyway.
11 comments:
Boy, Michelle, can I relate to this one. I used to have the best posture. I never had a weight problem. Since Liberty's issues and MOVING, I think I have felt wounded and...you said it best...not safe. I was thinking of this recently, too. You gave me a lot to ponder. Thanks!
So much to think about , Michelle. Thanks for this.
I wish for you whatever you need to feel safe, whatever would help you straighten your shoulders, whatever would bring light to your heart.
Blessings, friend.
I caught myself hunching as I read your post.
Hunching my puffy, overweight body.
I hear you, sister.
Me too.
Ever had body work done? The bodyworker opened up my sternum and I wept. For two hours.
Mind/body. Heavy stuff.
Pardon the pun.
Hi Michelle,
I've read your blog for over 6 months now and this is my first posting so "Hello". I love your blog for the way you weave the whimsical and serious out of everyday life, and how you are clever and witty.
I'm a bit hunchy today, so I loved this post.
You need to read this: All of you. A Tuesday giggle. Go to
www.debutanteball.com It's a group blog for debut writers. My friend Jenny Gardiner has today's post about Yoga.
Milonka, when I am stressed my back catches fire. I say head out for some retail therapy over by Trader Joe's.
KIM
Beautiful. That's all we can do, after all, is to open our hearts anyway.
Having gone through a recent move, I can relate to what you're going through.
Great post. I think I will link to it on my next wasa blog!
Beautiful post--so honest and open. I just read it through rounded, scrunched up shoulders that I am now working to push back.
From my view, you are handling this huge transition with strength and grace. I'm sending you lots of good vibes for things to keep on getting better and better!
Oh wow, I had never heard the Marianne Williamson quote about overweight-ness, but how darned true. I will never forget this. AND take a deep breath and let all the fear go, you are safe, you are loved and you are well. I would also like to add Iyanala(sp?) Van Zandt's teachings that when one door closes-get Excited- for what's coming next. What appears to be a loss or a bad thing is the open door for a better thing to come. Love you all
Love every word of this, thanks for all the reminders it contains!
I really love Williamson. What a profound statement.
It is so true how our bodies carry our truth.
I will say a prayer for you. It sounds like a lot to deal with, and I know how hard it can be to make such big changes.
I send you love.
:)
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