My feelings got hurt today. I requested a favor, and when I did, someone said something I allowed to instantly shoot me back in time to a place where any need I had was too much. All my life I’ve felt like a burden. Unworthy. Here it was again.
After our brief conversation I walked down the hall toward the meeting I was headed to. Like the old days, I dug my fingernails into my palms, distracting myself from emotional pain with physical pain.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
But I know this person to be kind and loving.
She has gone out of her way for me in the past.
Perhaps she’s having a bad day.
She’s going to feel like shit about this.
What she said will be her burden to carry.
(I have to admit, that thought made me feel better).
After the meeting, she met up with me and
attempted to explain. She hovered about.
I had already forgiven her.
No worries.
It was never about me to begin with.
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10 comments:
Sounds like the day I had yesterday....only this person MEANT to hurt me.
And it still wasn't about me.
Hard to remember when the arrow pierces through.
Great post Michelle.
Love
Suzy
You handled that well, Michelle, turning your boat downstream. Reaching for thoughts that bring relief really works.
What an excellent acceptance this was and knowing what you had to do. It's so easy to revert "back to that place" that hurts us all the time..but you worked it through and you were able to see it clearly. Well done!!
I found you through Shari who just found me through someone else. It's lovely when we do this!
Great post. Personal growth. Love it. When we were younger, everything was personal. Now that we are not so old and wiser, we know it's not always about us. A person is just venting out. I love how your writing style.
So, so true, so, so hard to always remember.
Great post Michelle, worth carrying around in my thoughts for a few days :)
Thank you for sharing this experience and letting it serve as a reminder or 'reinforcer' for all of us.
Namaste:)
Lo
Great post. I had a horrible, horrible experience two days ago in which a person wanted to hurt me, and did. Until I let it go. Which I'm not used to doing.
It feels damned good.
I love what you said about it not being about you - very 4 Agreements, which I try to live by.
1. It's okay to cry.
2. You are worthy.
3. You are allowed to need help and ask for it without justifying your need.
I hope that sometime in later years you are astonished to realize that these three lessons have replaced the old ones in your psyche. It is amazing how long and hard we have to work to convince ourselves of something we weren't taught as children.
Love.
You really put it all into practice, Michelle. Love that. And though your feelings were hurt - so much compassion in here for yourself and the other.
So freeing to let everyone have their own experience. And own ours.
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