http://www.ageofautism.com/
The following article really got me thinking. Autism is for sure a family issue, but more than that, it is a women's issue. I know some dads are highly involved and God love you, but for the most part moms are doing the research on treatment options and moms are taking care of the kids. My husband is falling on the floor tired on days he's home with the children. He works hard at his job everyday, but 8 hours at the hospital does not quite have the same exhaustive effect on him.
Since men still make more money than women (for the same work) it is mothers who have to give up their careers to care for these (expensive) kids, putting the family at an economic disadvantage now, and putting her in particular jeopardy down the road if the marriage breaks up, which something like 80 percent of marriages do, if autism is involved. People have no idea the pressure (financial and emotional) autism puts on a family.
And another thing, it is the mothers doctors are poo-pooing. I had one pediatrician give me a very hard time, using hostility and scare tactics when I told her I wanted Seth's MMR vaccine in three separate shots spread out over time. When we wound up back in her office two days later with a sick kid (probably something he picked up during his "well" visit) Todd was with me. She didn't utter a word about our immunization choices. Why didn't Todd get to experience the brunt of her battering? I think it has something to do with that which hangs between his legs.
The Age of Autism Article talks about how mothers have been blamed for autism. First, it was believed they caused the condition by being "too cold." Now they are dismissed for being too emotional. Anyhoo....here is a link to the article:
http://www.ageofautism.com/2007/11/olmsted-on-auti.html?cid=89780772#comments
I think it was Clarissa Pinkola Estes's who advised, when someone tells you you're being too emotional, reply with:
"Yes, I have well placed emotions. Where are yours?"And to anyone who wants to treat women, especially autism moms, with anything less than respect, I say, "Up yours."
7 comments:
Well that's a great supportive message for first thing in the morning. Thank you.
Cheers
Please try my duplicate "loads like a dream" blog over "here."
I'm really interested in hearing more about what hangs between Todd's legs.
No, really. You are singing my damn song! I just read Jenny McCarthy's book - gotta say, she gets it! Love how she spends all those hours in the waiting/viewing room with mothers, and they all shoot their hands up in the air when she asks how many of them would divorce if they could financially make it? It IS a mother's issue - and a VERY few incredible men.
It never registered with me but I guess it really is a feminist issue. It is the moms who are recovering their kids, doing the research. I could cite countless stories of my experiences with doctors (male and female) who put me down effortlessly and all of the tears I shed as I second-guessed myself.
I don't take shit anymore from anybody, I don't care who they are. My kid is my #1. Yes, the dynamics of the family with autism have changed and the pressure on the woman is double or triple what it is on the man.
Wonder if the up and coming family counselors will specialize in working with the "autism family." Haven't seen THAT on Dr. Phil yet.
Thanks SO much for this post, Michelle. Keep talking!
I get treated like a psychotic mom just dealing with multiple allergy issues ("We don't test toddlers for that, do you think she has been abused?" direct quote from an (ass wipe) doctor).
Your voices will be heard, I'll do whatever I can to support that happening in my world.
Wouldn't it be beautiful if doctors had to intern for an entire quarter (or year) in a setting where mothers were doing the real work of parenting? Rather than learning to triage the patients, perhaps they could learn to respect the emotions of the caregivers.
It will be that way in my utopian world, anyway.
Hi and thanks! But DAN OLMSTED is editor! I'm managing editor, which means I do the cooking and cleaning and posting, and tidying up of all the details.... Feminist issue inDEED! :)
KIM
I am a teacher, and I have a student with autism in my senior English class. He's an amazingly smart kid. I also taught him as a 9th grader, so I've gotten to see him grow up in the high school. I think his mother is awesome! She supports him in every way possible. (She also makes him these wonderful lunches every day. I know because he uses my microwave to warm them up!) I always tell him that his mom rocks, and he agrees with a big grin!
Thanks for sharing with us and keeping us informed!
Blessings.
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