I grew up by the side of the road, about ten yards from the shoulder of a rural highway. Most of my youth was spent, trying not to let anyone know the goings on in my home life. Everything was wrong, but the important thing was not to let on. That I pass for "normal." What would happen if I let down my guard? If I told someone, anyone of the alcoholism, the poverty, the emotional abuse, the sexual abuse so covert and confusing I didn't even know what to call it at the time? The thought of telling anyone and exposing the truth seemed like the end of the world.
So much shame.
I got out. Went to college. Moved away. Healed.
____
The pull to write was strong. Day after day, it woke me from a deep sleep urging me to go someplace I'd never been. It didn't feel like a choice. I thought it would be a story about my precious little girl. All we'd been through with autism. What we'd learned.
But that story is still in process. A different story needed to be told.
Around this time, we were driving an hour and a half down a rural highway to Riley's sensory processing therapy. Rundown houses dotted the side of the road for miles and miles.
It was shocking.
That life, so far behind me, was still there.
"There are girls living in those houses." I thought to myself.
Turns out my story is about a precious little girl. One who needn't be ashamed. One who did her very best and kept going.
With the completion of my manuscript I'm finally letting my guard down. And it feels not like the end of the world, but the beginning.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
22 comments:
I love that little girl.
Guard down, arms wide open. So proud of you.
I admire you Michelle. Glad you let your guard down because you are a beautiful person to really know.
My heart goes out to you
There are girls still living in those houses even under fancy paint job.
May your story be a light.
A writer can be a beacon. Shine on!
Speaking out can be the beginning of the end for chain of abuse.
There are little girls in houses everywhere--big and small and plain and fancy. Your courage helps every one of them.
Blessings be, M.
Love it! So inspiring, Michelle. I'm so glad you were able to write and process.
I'm having a hard time finding words to express what I want to say...you're an extraordinary person.
xo
Thank you for opening that door. I feel honored to know...and now to vision that girl finding herself and making her way into the world.
I believe it's never too late to send blessings to the children we were. So...blessings and love, prayers and healing, whispers to her to open into her precious future.
Nice piece Michelle. Are we going to get to see pieces of the manuscript as you move toward publication? Or do we have to wait?
So beautiful, so moving, and so powerful in its simplicity.
"There are girls living in those houses."
This sentence is going to stick with me for a long, long time.
Despite some tough odds, what an incredible woman that precious little girl grew up to become.
And, I have a feeling that the above sentence will apply 20 years from now (for very different reasons) to a certain other precious little girl we have come to know and love.
Whoo hoo, good for you dearie. What's the next step? Publisher or agent?
I would imagine [can't possibly know] that writing it all down must have been both cathartic and therapeutic, or at least I hope so.
Best wishes
Great job Michelle. Breaking through the taboo of telling has set you free! I'm so glad you are free.
this is so beautiful--full of strength, hope, and reslience.
Thinking about this all day....I really want to know more about this girl.
The truth always comes out. Sometimes it comes out sideways in depression or drug addiction or alcohism or... Better the truth floats up out of an open spirit.
You go, Girl!
Michelle. I don't even know what to say here. I feel like I can't tell you...how much these could have been my own words. Even the house so near the highway, and all the rest.
I'm a little shocked, but I don't know why. I'm a little weepy, and I'm not sure why...
There are no accidents.
((you))
:)
You are so brave.
Welcome to the beginning of the world. Glad you made it.
You are a role model.
Love you.
Suzy
I was that little girl, too, in rural Texas, living with the secrets of sexual abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, and being beaten with a belt buckle by a raging alcoholic. The poverty and the silence and the secrecy are enough to destroy anyone.
I, too, got out, went to college, and moved 3,000 miles away.
And, inspired by you and others like you, I'm telling my story. I can't wait to read yours.
You are an inspiration to us all.
I recently read a book which asked "What are your soul qualities?" Perhaps you could add courage, inner strength and gentleness to your list of soul qualitites. These qualitites will always be there for you to draw upon.
I've just finished a manuscript too so I know just how much work and energy goes into it.
Well done you!
I am so proud of you! I love to see that horrible myth dispelled, "The abused grow up to be abusers". You are an inspiration and will help many little girls of all ages.
Post a Comment