Yesterday I told a friend about something I perceived her to be doing that was bugging me. I regret it.
I don't know.
Is it okay to say anything if you don't like "the feel" of something you think is going on in a friendship?
Is it not okay?
I'm standing on that fine line between speaking up for myself and not.
There's also the(damn)knowledge that what is bugging me about someone else is actually something I need to examine in myself.
And the possibility that the person wasn't doing what I thought she was at all.
But it really felt like she was. Is that just my ego?
Yes, it is.
Because it doesn't matter. What she's feeling/thinking or doing(or not). It isn't under my control or any of my business.
I wish instead of writing an e-mail, calling this dear friend out on the carpet, I had written her a love letter. Telling her all the things I appreciate about her and that I am glad she is here on this earth, and that I am better for knowing her.
The teachings of Abraham say that when we have a grievance about someone it feels so bad to us because God(Source)does not agree. Source sees them as they truly are. Everything else falls away.
I read a lot on the soul. On spiritual matters. Right now I picture those in that realm shaking their heads(in a loving way),saying, "she's book smart, but on a practical level....tsk. She's got quite a long way to go."
Of course, the reason self-loathing feels so bad, is because Source doesn't agree with that either.
* Picasso
12 comments:
We've all got a long way to go, Michelle. You less than many.
You describe this person as a dear friend. As such, he/she probably knows you and your heart and will understand that your intentions were good.
Anyone who knows you at all knows that.
Be gentle with yourself.
love.
j
I'm dealing with this a lot lately. Check out Byron Katie, "Loving What Is." I stumbled onto her. What she calls "The Work" goes along with Tolle and Abe. It's really excellent and you can find her on you tube doing "the work" with people and also on her web. Check her out! http://www.thework.com/index.asp
That's a tough place to be. You want to say something, but don't know if you should. Then when you do say something, you worry it ruins the friendship. Maybe you are right, maybe you aren't. Life is all about learing. I hope it turns out okay. No one is perfect.
We're all climbing the steps towards spiritual perfection...and sometimes our shoes are just so darn slippery. The key is knowing that we're slipping and switching shoes.
Boy...I'm off in abstract land today!lol Basically I'm just telling to you give yourself some credit. At least your working on yourself. There are many who are not.
i know that feeling. oh, man, do i.
life and learn. love and goof up. it's all human. you're a star. and i bet she knows it and feels it and has been in your shoes herself.
xxx
It's not too late for the love letter. I hope you emailed her your post from today...
There's nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. So long as you weren't asking her to accept responsibility for your feelings, you did nothing wrong.
Tough one... I think the trick is learning to share your feelings - (whether it's true or just a perception, she was hurting you in some way) but to find a way to speak that truth without BLAMING her or making her wrong for your feelings.
This stuff makes my head spin sometimes because, like you (I sense), I tend to be awfully hard on myself. Your last sentence is so true.
Don't you just love the Abraham teachings? Sorry I'm being long winded and rambly. This is such a wonderful honest post and I so relate to it. Thank you.
the Sources are right...
the only thing that counts...is what we DO...
not what we
think
know
or
think we know ;)
xo darlene
Wow, I can hear your conflicted inner self. I step in your shoes often. It is why I am working to clear my brain as often as I can.
I have offended friends without meaning to, as you said because of the way either I perceived what they doing, or the way they perceived my actions. It is painful, but we can find in our hearts the inner strength needed to make the discovery.
You point was good, your friend's thoughts or actions are not with in your control. Yours are. This is one of the hardest things for me to learn each day. It requires constant attention. :)
This makes me think that I should sit and write a love letter to my friends that I miss having in my life. How much they still mean to me.
It is time for me to shed the darkness of doubt, and let my light shine through.
Thank you for the inspiring thoughts, once again.
Great honest post, and something I have definitely struggled with lately. I came back from my big retreat wanting so much to act and speak with mindfulness and compassion at all times, and have been trying.
But, does this mean that these grievances are not valid, not appropriate to express? How can we do it without blaming? If we don't do it, is that also unhealthy, holding back, fearful?
Please let me know when you figure it out.
Byron Katie is interesting, yes. I saw her speak once.
Oh Michelle, I so needed this today. I love the reminder that *source doesn't agree*; that we are all perfect in the eyes of the source.
Thank you, and I love you-
Sometimes I think all the 'spiritual' stuff is just another tool to make ourselves feel worse. It's tricky.
For so many years I always had a check and double check list for every spiritual reason I should not have my own feelings and responses. Now I'm so relieved to simply live and do the best I can. That means expressing all the unpleasant, unpopular emotions, trusting that we call all work it out together.
Hope you trust that even if you instincts and hunches are 'ego' that that's the divine as well.
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