Riley had outgrown her sneakers so we went shoe shopping.Nothing felt right. They were all stiff, or they had laces which she can't tie yet due to fine motor delays. She could probably do it at this point, but it hasn't been a priority 'til now.
Sensory issues flared.
The mere thought of learning to tie overwhelmed her.
She wound up SCREAMING in the shoe store (our third one), and I was really firm with her. Grabbed her by the jaw, got eye to eye and told her she was not allowed to scream like that in public. She was embarrassing me and scaring other people.
She fell on the floor crying.
"Mommy, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm such a baby!" She sobbed.
I wound up sitting on the floor next to her, swallowing hard to hold back my own tears. A pile of shoes surrounded us. Pink ones. Nikes. Glittery sneakers. Sketchers. Blue Reeboks. Bratz. Barbie.
Her feet won't fit in her old sneakers another minute.
But she needs shoes.
Damned shoes.
Sensory issues flared.
The mere thought of learning to tie overwhelmed her.
She wound up SCREAMING in the shoe store (our third one), and I was really firm with her. Grabbed her by the jaw, got eye to eye and told her she was not allowed to scream like that in public. She was embarrassing me and scaring other people.
She fell on the floor crying.
"Mommy, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm such a baby!" She sobbed.
I wound up sitting on the floor next to her, swallowing hard to hold back my own tears. A pile of shoes surrounded us. Pink ones. Nikes. Glittery sneakers. Sketchers. Blue Reeboks. Bratz. Barbie.
Her feet won't fit in her old sneakers another minute.
And she needs new ones for gym class.
I don't want her to hate herself.But she needs shoes.
Damned shoes.
10 comments:
ARGH. Poor baby! Just one of the joys of autism, right? Kiss her and find her some kick ass scoots she loves. Screw the laces. Even old people use Velcro now. Then kiss her again. From me.
Damned shoes, damn damn shoes!
I used to go to the store and buy several pairs and let my son try them on at home. There's a whole lot less pressure all around that way.
Of course that means two trips (to each store-- still worth it.) ;(
I just went through something similar trying to get my son to try on sandals. It was like trying to rope and tie a calf. I was sweating, and getting pissed off! The salespeople don't get it either and it's hard to explain. What can you do except keep trying and go for something you don't have to tie if you can find it.
My heart goes out to you and your girl. Not knowing what it is like, the sensory must be awful.
Her reaction feels a little too familiar to me. I think I've had it, only I was shopping for jeans.
Damned jeans.
I feel you here.
What is it with shoes? Ruth would wear crocs everyday if I could let her. Why do they have to be so stiff, and heavy? We can never find a pair that Ruth will wear for very long, and the battle at the store is so trying.
Bless you for sitting with her amongst the shoes. It is so hard to remember to stop and sit a minute to help our sensory kids to settle. Sometimes it doesn’t help, and they continue to feel bad about what has happened. How do we help them? I do not know the answer. I only know this, we sit amongst the mess, and hold them, and love them. Maybe when they see that we love them unconditionally, they will continue to learn to love themselves.
Cindy P :)
PS:
I am ready to go shopping for shoes for Ruth. She likes her shoes too big, and likes to wear them on the wrong feet. I was thinking the other day that I used to fight with her brothers and their shoes, until they began to wear Converse canvas shoes. Have you tried this style?
I stopped taking my son shopping for several years, between 7 and 11 was the worst. He'd have meltdowns and tantrums and he'd want things that were too big/too small/too expensive.
I, like robin, started bringing home stuff and putting it in his dresser and he'd try and choose in the comfort of his own room.
I never did get to the bottom of what the shopping terrors were about. One theory was that the last time he saw his Dad was at a mall and shopping brought back feelings he couldn't handle or talk about.
Lands End Kids catalog/on-line has great sneakers/shoes for girls. A lot of them have velcro and are ballet shoe soft.
Hugs to Riley and to you - I spit on shoes.
Never liked shoes myself. Now I hate 'em. Me and Dianne, we spit on shoes. (Usually followed by a quick buff with a soft rag....but still, we spit on shoes.)
I'd bet a nickel Riley knows some days are better than others. I'd bet $5 she knows everyone has a hard time with something. I'd bet everything I own she knows her mother loves her, even when she gets frustrated in a shoe store.
Hey Y'all!
Guess what?
Jenny Rough sent me this site:
http://www.merrell.com/Gallery/NZ/Kids-Casual-Footwear/Girls.aspx
How cool is that?
(((you and R)))
We are all babies sometimes. Tell her she should see ME when I am bathingsuit shopping!
;)
Owhhh! What about vans? slip ons, no velcro, no laces, my sensitive to clothing flat footed son loved them
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