-Does this mean you are giving up on bio-med?
-You haven't turned into one of those "neuro-diverse" people, have you?
Etc.
No, I am not giving up on bio-med. I'm giving up on the crippling effects of guilt and blame and regret, and I'm moving forward from here knowing Riley's life has meaning. Bio-med is an integral part of our "here." We could not have gotten this far without it and I am so very appreciative of the bio-med community.
Wouldn't it be nice if the "neuro-diverse" community would cease accusing bio-med parents of not accepting their kids? I loved and accepted Riley completely from the day she was born, but I did not accept that her life would be reduced to uncontrollable screaming fits,day in, day out, forever. And guess what? It isn't! My child needed bio-med therapies to have any quality of life.
But also...wouldn't it be nice if the bio-med people didn't treat the ND group like a bunch of backwood lazy idiots?
Wouldn't it be nice if both sides understood that we all love our kids? We're all doing what we think is right, based on our own very personal beliefs and experience.
It is interesting, that so many in the autism community are using their love for their children as an excuse to hate each other. I'm betting that's not what these beautiful little souls had in mind when they made the decision to come here.
Love.
All I'm saying.
15 comments:
Just so well-said! Amen.
To be honest I don't think the majority of parents hate. As you say, everyone wants the best for their children, no news there, autistic or otherwise.
I'm pretty sure that the we all have far more in common that is generally appreciated from the very loud voices in the media.
Best wishes to you and yours from me and mine.
Cheers
Kathi! I like your dolphin!
And Maddy, you are right. It isn't the majority. And BTW, I'm stealing "Cheers." Love it!
And that's all I'm hearing you say!
Hooray!
Life is a journey - there are times of battle and times of peace. Sounds like this is a gift of peace as a result of your commitment to fight for Riley and not just accept that all of your lives HAD to be a struggle. You have much wisdom to share and this is part of it - sometimes you let someone else take up the battle cry and you take care of yourself for awhile.
I have appreciated all you have shared and have learned so much. At my kids' last doctor's visit, they wanted to give my 11 and 14 year old 4 vaccines each to "catch them up". I felt like I was able to make a much more informed decision based on what I've learned since "meeting" you. Thanks for that! Even parents without kids on the spectrum have much to learn. More than likely, our kids are likely friends with a kid on the spectrum so we need people like you to share your story so we can understand. Even if you never write about vaccines again, I hope you'll continue to share your and Riley's story!
amen, sister .. there's so much middle ground, is't there?
and the view from that place is (obviously) breathtaking
btw, did you see my little shout out to you a couple of days ago?
http://jesswilson.wordpress.com/2008/08/04/my-village/
come bask in the love!
"Wouldn't it be nice if both sides understood that we all love our kids? We're all doing what we think is right, based on our own very personal beliefs and experience."
Touché Michelle. Exactly right.
We all are at different places/stages in this life and LOVE should be the overriding factor.
I've always said I would never attack another *parent* publicly for their stance on this issue. I also have little tolerance when I see others do it and that's why I'll jump in many times even if it's *unpopular* -- think kool-aid.
My motivating scripture is Proverbs 16:6
"By lovingkindness and truth iniquity is atoned for..."
Best,
Kelli
I think you're wise to stick with your instincts here. Move into your next phase, and don't worry too much about people who feel slighted because you've chosen to grow.
I agree - this can be said about so many things in life - we are always putting our choices on others and it isn't right!!!
I'm glad to hear you say this. Trust me, it's not just the autism community. But still, for every person who knows it all, there are ten more who feel what we feel and understand the choices we have to make, often under-informed and fueled by our gut instincts and praying to whoever we pray to that we're getting it right.
THOSE are the parents I trust, the ones doing the best they can and winging it just like I am. Watch out for the ones who know everything. They are the trainwrecks waiting to happen.
You're doing good work.
Well said. Over the course of many years and much misery, I discovered that when I make peace inside myself, peace - at least some level of peace - tends to break out around me as well. There may be a brief round of skirmishes as I put the inner war to it's final rest, but then either the people around me shift or my response to them shifts.
My guess is that much of the external quarreling that goes on is people secretly second-guessing themselves and their choices. The secret inner voices who mutter that you have done or are doing it all wrong project themselves onto others who are doing it differently in an effort to reassure themselves that THEY are doing the best for their kids... when in fact - as you say - everyone is doing right for their kids.
I really don't know what I'm talking about here in some ways. I haven't walked in your shoes. If I had, I would hope that I would have done it with as much grace and wisdom. Congratulations on the healing and peace which has come to you.
That says alot. These words sound very sane, to me.
When I went to a RDI training with my friend Agent M, at one point one doctor stood up and started arguing with the other doctor about RDI vs ABA... here is what it sounded like, "Blah blah blah we're right, blah blah blah no, we're right blah blah blah"... and this one dad stood up and said how none of the parents there cared about all this crap-- they don't care about the fight, they just want to HELP THEIR KIDS.
It was very eye-opening. It showed me how much growth is probably being stunted, because people are standing on sides and not keeping their eyes on the ball.
All things in moderation, right? A middle ground in all things seems best to me.
:)
Whatever the question, love is the answer.
Wish I had seen this much, much earlier.
I'm so with you on this one. Which pretty much means I'm with you on everything!
Thank you for sayin...
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