"They hate us! They think we're bad!" She cried as she buried her head in a pillow on the couch.
"Riley, what are you talking about?"
She'd been working her angle, trying to get me to fork over money to pay for a subscription to Toontown. It's an on-line video game, and you can only do so much if you are not a member.
As always, I told her to think about what she wanted and why she wanted it. My kids understand the law of attraction. They get how thinking about what you want from a needy place only produces more of what you don't have. They get how visualizing from a place of joy, from a place of happy anticipation is much more effective. They know I will never, ever cave in to a whine. They also know I'm a sucker for a happy child off in the corner, imagining the thing they want so vividly.
So what's the deal? Who hates us?
It took some time to get it out of her, but here's the scenario.
At karate a couple of weeks ago, the teacher asked, "What's the opposite of complain?"
Riley raised her hand and when called on answered, "Visualize?"
The teacher said "No. Not exactly." She was looking for the word, "compliment."
Riley internalized this, turning it into "people hate us and think we're bad because we visualize." She carried this around for over two weeks.
After assuring her that the karate teacher actually encourages visualizing, she seemed to feel better.
Can you imagine how frightening and confusing the world is in black and white?
I'm visualizing shades of grey and all the colors of the rainbow for Riley.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
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12 comments:
i imagine it every day .. just how overwhelming everything is when there's no emotional ripcord.
i know it broke your heart that she held it in for 2 weeks, but is't it wonderful that she was able to share it with you so that you could guide her through it?
Michelle this is HUGE! You must be SO proud of Riley. For her to even be able to put her hand up and give an answer - I'm blown away. For her to give such a great answer is beyond me. And then to cap it all off with being able to, albeit belatedly, work it out with you - just genius!
Huge hugs!
I have never thought about that but you are right black and white is a pretty unsettling place.... great post - once again!!
It is too bad she held that in for a couple weeks, but thank goodness Riley told you. But even better, is the fact you took the time to not only listen but to render comfort, help her see there are many more colors than Black and White! WELL DONE!
Here's magenta! Chartreuse! Hey--look at the robin's egg blue over there! Are you loving that verdigris?
All the colors, baby. Every single one.
Gorgeous. And painful. All of them.
Thank goodness she has you and Seth and HT.
Yep. All the colors! And I so needed this reminder today! Thank you!
Oy.. don't know what to say... I think I'll borrow Kario's "gorgeous. painful", and let that hang for a bit...
That conversation could have happened in my house. That conversation happens in my house. And yes, I too cycle between "OMG my dear child. WHY didn't you tell me." and "TG you DID tell me as now I can help you process."
Michelle - you are doing all the right things and trust me, Riley is responding. In not too long, it won't take her 2 weeks to come to you with these things. It'll be a week, a couple of days, a couple of hours. And as her 'processing' increases, she'll start to generalize the experiences, and then ALL the colors will come...
xoxo
Well, my friend, that's why she has you, and not just any old mother, to help her see all the colors of the rainbow and beyond. Not an easy (or short) task, but I know you can do it!
I so relate to Riley. I will visualize her feeling loved wherever she goes.
This IS huge and look at Riley go!
But I kind of want to bitch slap the teacher just a little bit.
No wrong answers.
Grrr.
Me too.
I love that was her answer. How cool is THAT?! Hello?
:)
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