At the book store yesterday, I came across Don Gabor's How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends.
On one of the first pages is a cartoon showing two people at a party, giving off "closed" body language. The bubble over their heads says, "How come no one talks to me?"
It is written for adults, but I picked it up, thinking it might explain a lot to Riley. She is often,"closed" in social situations. Shoulders hunched, head down,all folded in on herself from fear.
If Riley was okay with not being social, that would be one thing, but she isn't. She wonders all the time, why no one talks to her. She wonders why no one seems to hear her when she does try to chime in(head down, looking away).
My dream for this girl is not to be prom queen. I want her to have a couple of friends. Good ones, she can trust.
In the film Normal People Scare Me, there is a girl with autism who is in college. She says there, it's okay to be weird, and she's found her own "weird little bunch" to hang around with.
Riley will find her bunch one day. I know she will.
And they are so gonna love her.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I have every confidence that Riley will get there. One day she will be able to screw up her courage and join the social scene. I do think that's a good thing about this texting lark - for those who find face to face conversation hard and for those who have hearing loss it's a great way to stay in the loop without finding it all too much like hard work. And it's NORMAL!!!
Chair dance time! ;D
What a terrific idea! Does the book have cartoons all the way throughout it? You may just have opened up an entire new demographic for this author. I'd say he owes you some royalties!
I love the weird kids the best. I was the Prom Queen, and I STILL fit in with the "weird" kids the best. The weird kids are are the real people. Riley will find her way to the best, and truest people. and they WILL love her. and because sh eis who she is, when she makes those friends, chances are they won't be shallow, dumb kids. They will be tested and worthy of her.
:)
She already has one over here, Michele.
And remember, I can attest to the fact that kids can find their own way ---look at my students. Just keep doing what you're doing.
Riley is in 3rd grade? or is she in 2nd? I remember these two grades being a particular challenging time socially for my Salamander... like Riley, he desperately wanted to 'fit in' and connect socially, but he just didn't know how... and always wondered 'why not, why not, what am I doing wrong." And yes, the hunched shoulders, head down, small voice..
Things changed during 2nd half of 4th grade for Salamander.. still can't articulate exactly WHAT shifted.. It was a combination of a LOT of things (biomed and otherwise), and practice, practice, practice.. Lots of modeling, scaffolding, coaching, one on one and then two or three kid play dates..
Now in 5th grade he's one of the most popular kids.. he definitely marches to his own drum, but the other kids respect that. And while the more 'jock'-ey kids now constantly want to play with him, he has NOT forgotten that, not that long ago, he mostly was with the 'nerdy, weird kids' (including quite a few fellow high functioning spectrum kiddos who continue to NOT get this unstructured social stuff right ..). So now he makes an very deliberate effort to orchestrate play that involves BOTH groups.. (and has told more than one 'jock' off when said jock told him that the 'weird kids' couldn't play... and I am incredibly proud of him for that..).
Keep helping Riley, give her opportunities to practice, try to find situations for social success. As she gets a few sucesses under her belt, it'll increase her confidence to keep trying. Is she in a social skills group in school? Lunch bunch? Library group?
I'm sure you have covered your bases.. you always do. So I'm just tossing out thoughts..
oh, she will .. she will! because mama bear is there to guide her, to lovingly, gently nudge and to show her how.
i keep thinking about how many of our kids are out there .. if we've all managed to find each other - people who have shared our experience, people who 'get the joke' - well, they will too!
When I went to a college (mostly) full of engineers, I felt too like I had found my people. lol
Sending you some good thoughts.
This post really struck home. My son, Ethan, has high-functioning autism and is doing pretty well in school academically, but not so good socially. It's so hard to see him struggle to make friends. We've got him in a social skills group, and he does great with supervision, but on his own on the playground is a different story. :)
Not long ago, I realized that many of the most talented, beloved people in my world were the weird kids in high school.
Riley will find her place among smart, compassionate people with big outlooks and enormous hearts. Like attracting like, and all.
They so totally are! BTW, the college near my house is FULL of Rileys - really, really smart kids that are FINALLY with others that "get it." Other students, teachers, community, city, etc. A little mini Heaven.
Oh, how this touches me. I too hope that my Little Man can find a way to develop one or two good friendships before he's an adult. That's not so much to ask for, is it?
I found you via your comment on Fragile What?!?! ;)
Post a Comment