My brother Christopher had a birthday this week. We called him. We sang Happy Birthday. We had a nice chat. We got to talking about the service dog (that's Chris in the photo above performing in between sets at the concert), and I told him how Todd and I still sometimes feel uneasy, accepting donations to 4 Paws in Riley's honor, when there are families in dire straights financially. Families that are out of work, or whose kids have severe health issues, or both. A dog for Riley isn't life or death and we are not exactly struggling. We live modestly but Todd has a good job and can (and does) pick up overtime when we need something for the kids or want something extra.
We talked about how 4 Paws for Ability does not want the dogs to be a financial strain on the families seeking them. We talked about how the fundraising each family is required to do brings awareness to 4 Paws, and how this whole effort has been a chance to educate people about Asperger's. To let people into our often secluded world.
Then Christopher, my darling brother said,
"You know, raising kids is hard (he's got two beautiful girls). It's a tough job, and raising kids with special needs has to be a hundred times harder. A lot of times people don't know what to do, but this gave us a chance to feel like we could do something. To feel like we could help in some way."
With his words, something that had been weighing on my shoulders lifted a bit.
Christopher and I could not be more different. He is uber conservative. I'm to the left, (then over to the left a little more). We're opposite in so many ways, but I believe we "get" each other's hearts.
I love him.
More than words.
16 comments:
that's so fantastic to get such support from a sibling! I can see why you'd feel unsure about accepting such a gift for your daughter when others are suffering more. But when life presents opportunties, they should be taken. I can't wait to hear more about it.
Sounds like my brother and me. Nice to be able to be there for each other despite our differences. Good for both of you.
our kids, they do that, don't they? bridge the gaps, i mean. left, right, upside down, to love a child is to love a child.
i'm so glad he's there for you.
Yep, we get that a lot. People always want to do something to help and for the most part there isn't anything they're able to do but donate or help fund raise? That's do-able. Think of it as giving people the chance to do something. My mum is doing a 200 mile walk to raise money for our kids youth project that does holiday clubs etc.
You can't say a dog isn't "life or death." You don't know what it might mean for your daughter.
So many people with Asperger's are depressed. If that pup helps keep her mentally healthy, you just don't know.
LOVE.
I have tried for years to have a meaningful relationship with my brother.I am envious of your great relationship with yours. My brother is also in a band. He writes angry loud rock music that is supposed to be for Christians. Reading your post makes me want to try again to establish some kind of connection.
As someone who did fundraising for a living for a bajillion years, I just have to echo what's been said a couple times here and by Chris -- you are GIVING PEOPLE THE OPPORTUNITY to do something. That opportunity is for THEM to feel good about themselves. You're not twisting anyone's arms here. People are giving b/c they want to, not out of guilt or pressure or whatever else you're projecting onto them. So quit running it around in your head! And thanks for giving us this chance to do something -- we feel like better people for it.
Michelle, I have to agree with your brother. I have a dear friend with a 17 yr old son who is autistic, mildly retarded, and has an anxiety disorder. She's got her hands full.
There's a lot about you that reminds me of her, including how upbeat and inspirational you both are for so many people around you. Letting people help is important for them -- and for you -- and for your daughter.
Remember Michelle that there is an infinite supply of creativity in the universe. Everyone can have exactly what they need.
All they need do is ask.
Guilt and fear only slow down manifestation.
Listen to the LOVE that that dear angel brother of yours is reminding you is yours (and your family's).
Love
X.
It does something else - it forces you to ask for help. In our culture we seem to forget that it is supposed to take a village to raise a child...not just a mom and dad - nomatter how wonderful they are. Kudos to you guys and your brother for all the love that goes around XO
My brother is ultra conservative too, and when his daughter (15 years old) came to visit me last summer, she said that she had asked her dad the difference between a liberal and a conservative. His response to her was, "I'm a conservative. Your Aunt Shelia is a liberal!" Bwahaha! That cracked me up!
Glad you are getting the help you need with Riley's dog.
Michelle, this may not be the right place to leave this but I really wanted you to see a post written by another North Star family (the family that has Charlie's sister, Sassy.) Check out this post:
http://jackandsassy.blogspot.com/2009/01/magic-of-sassy.html
This really made me think of you and your efforts to help Riley. I know these dogs really change the lives of many, many kids with autism. You're doing the right thing for Riley and people who support you and your family aren't checking some kind of imaginary scorecard. It's good for all of us to learn to support each other. Keep up the great work!
I love when situations bring out the BEST in people! (And next time you talk to him, tell him to put another zero on the end of that 100, as in times harder).
Aww. Can you imagine NOT having family like that?
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