So, it's 2009. This year, my plan is to stop fighting myself. For so long, I've tried to be different than I am. I have tried to be calmer,kinder,more relaxed. When I went to nursing school, the plan was to continue on to become a nurse midwife, and unconsciously, I think what I really wanted was to be as laid back as the midwives I knew.
Not bloody likely!
This year, I want to step back and observe myself as my own friend. So, for example, if I take down the Christmas tree and all the decorations by myself, and lovingly pack them up, and then happen to fall down the stairs with an over sized red and green bin, hurting my my hip, knee and ankle? I'm not going to tell myself how stupid I was to do it alone. Instead, I'll tell my "friend," how sweet it was of her to want to do it all when HT was working, so that he wouldn't have to mess with it on his time off.
And in my shenanigans, if I happen to kick the front door, because it is a hundred years old and the lock jams and I have an armful of wet pine needles that I need to drop on the floor in order to mess with the son of a bitch, I'm not only going to forgive myself for kicking the door, but also for saying "son of a bitch," because it's a lot better than "mother-f#@ker," which is what I really wanted to say, and besides, the kids were not within earshot.
This year, I want to do a lot more laughing with, and a lot less berating of myself.
And I want to know, on a visceral level, mistakes or not, my worthiness is not up for debate.
Happy New Year. Neither is yours.
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16 comments:
Happy new year.
What a wonderful post, Michelle. Thank you. Happy New Year!!! :)
Thanks for the laugh. A-effing-men! You are worthy. And so am I. :)
Right there with ya, babe, right there with ya.
Thanks for this.. I needed this today..
Yes! I so get that and need to become aware of all of the times I berate myself which is probably constantly. Thanks. Hope your aching parts feel better.
"I'm not only going to forgive myself for kicking the door, but also for saying "son of a bitch," because it's a lot better than "mother-f#@ker," which is what I really wanted to say." Take an A, you showed great restraint. I thought everyone just blamed everything on everyone else like I do. You mean it's not HTs fault all that happened? Wow. That's a lot for me to process.
The plan to "stop fighting myself" sounds exactly like the plan I want to adopt!
Excellent post. Funny but filled with plans for living with great intention!
May you be blessed in 2009!
Happy New Year--and good for you!
WOOHOO!! She shoots, she scores! Welcome to the sisterhood of this is who I am take it or leave it. It's a joyous place to be and I just know you'll be very happy here.
Best. Resolution. Ever.
As a person also outside of yourself, I can say, I think you would be a great friend! (And I would be so swearing, kids within ear shot or not)
I gotta tell ya...I loved this post. I read it out loud to a friend and it made us both cry.
My friend said to tell your friend that even when she "cusses and stuff" she's still very sweet.
No worthiness debates allowed! Period. ;-)
And, um, yeah...AWESOME restrain on the swearing. I so would've made a sailor blush! LOL
Happy New Year!
Except when you don't, cuz sometimes you wont. That's the catch - you'll slip one day and self disparage the trick is to be ok with that too...because every day, nomatter what, there are many that love you for everything you are and arent. Great post! XO
Amen! hahaha...
I'll be kicking it right there with ya!
Happy new year lady!
Have a new blog BTW...http://mommadosey.today.com There I did my publicizing duty. I apologize now.
Happy New Year! I got a big chuckle form this one - I took down my tree all alone last night - kind of depressing - at the beginning I was griping and complaining to myself, then I decided to TRY to enjoy it. Well, I'm not sure I did that, but I decided next year I will enlist EVERYONE in the procedure the day after Christmas.
I'm right there with ya sister!
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