In September, I went to a meeting about the inclusion program at Riley's school. Most of the parents of kids with special needs were in attendance. I couldn't help but notice a woman, who I assumed was the grandmother to N., one of the kids in Riley's class. She was not only taking care of the high functioning N., but also his younger sibling who was severely autistic,flapping, clapping and whooping throughout the meeting. He was on a harness, and had he not been, he would have destroyed the room and/or certainly escaped. I sat there in awe, wondering how this elderly woman managed?
Turns out the woman was a foster parent and today was N.'s last day at Riley's school. He's being placed elsewhere.
So today's Valentine party was also a going away party. And the teachers made it special for N. They gave him a beautiful photo album, filled with pictures of him and his friends. They gave him supplies for his new classroom. They did a whole class(23 student) group hug with N. in the middle (loving it, I guess he's the sensory seeking, not the sensory avoiding type) and everyone, including the teachers wound up laughing and toppling onto their butts on the floor.
Four teachers stood in the room, wiping their eyes as the kids said good bye.
After loving and nurturing him and watching him progress, these devoted teachers get no information on his next placement.
What will become of N.?
I'm trying to have faith.
Safe travels, little friend.
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19 comments:
The Foster System has been broken for years. When I was growing up our family took in foster kids.
Over and over we would come home from school and learn that our "Brother or Sister" had been moved to another family,sometimes after a year or two. I have never forgotten many of them and more than a few times googled some of their names. I have had no success finding any of them,and don't know what I would expect from them if I did find them. If I have a hole in my heart from the loss of them, what would they have?
I can't imagine how it would ever be possible for a special needs heart to survive in a Foster world.
I will be up tonight, thinking of N.
I'm thinking about his brother, too.
Oy.
Ugh. I hope N. finds another loving school. And family. Can you imagine our children in a household wholly unprepared for them? Think of the work we do from the moment our eyes open to the minute we fall asleep. Oh boy. N. Sky Walker. Guardian Angels, get ready for some serious overtime.
Kim
Sorry, my post went up 3 times so I deleted 2.
Kim
Thanks for sharing this..
I'll be thinking of N and his sib today, and of all special needs children who are in environments that are less than ideal for them (as that doesn't just happen to foster kids.. trust me)...
And yes, Kim, indeed, I shudder to think of what would happen to our children in households utterly unprepared for them..
[must write my will, must appoint guardians, must set up trust funds, must never die]
Petra, I'm working on that whole "never die" thing too....
I think as we age, our strong community will pull together and rely on eachother, not the state to help our kids who need it. I have great faith that our love and trust, developed in blogs like this, which really transcend mere technical visiting sites, will lead to lifelong relationships that we can use for our kids.
I have hope. I do.
KIM
The foster part doesn't sound good at all but have hope that you will hear of N again. It's a small world. We moved 612 miles and found the sister of Bear and Scrumpy's old class teacher working in the Saturday club that Scrumpy goes to. She keeps her sister in the loop and I'm sure we'll see her again sometime.
The whole "what will happen when we 're dead?" issue is not a good one, especially for those of us with no "normal"kids to pick up the reigns.
Yes, it's scary when they leave. We've lost touch with quite a few little ones over the years too.
Best wishes
I'll light the Marys for N. and all who "travel" with him.
iet prayer for N, his brother, and all the little ones in our foster care system who need guardian angels.
Kim - I try to have hope, I really do. I have great hope that my big guy will continue to do well. But hope does not reality make.
Amanda - my younger boy is a 'normal' child. But I would never place him in a position or expect him to take the reigns after I pass on. I just cannot do that.. he is entitled to his own life, to finding his own way, without having to be his brother's care taker, without continuing to be 'the sandwich kid' - so frequently smushed between his brother and his brother's needs.
Right now my big guy is doing well. BUT it is a doing well that hinges on a strict diet and a multitude of vitamins, minerals and other supplements. I got a very clear glimpse of what happens to him when these requirements fall away, during a recent flu episode (barely eating, barely taking supplements)..
Right now, I have total control over these requirements, and I hope to have total control for several more years so more healing can take place. But will I be able to maintain that control as he leaves my house, will there be that control when I'm no longer around? And what will happen to my big guy once his diet/supplements start to slide? I think I know what will happen and it ain't pretty. And no, there is no way I could place the burden of being a caretaker for a detoriating brother on my younger one..
Not happy thoughts for a V-day.. I know.. but I have been confronted with several situations today that forced me to go to some pretty uncomfortable places..
I will think of N tonight too. I am also thinking of K Fuller's family and all the other families who generously try to provide loving homes to children who need them. I'm so grateful for everyday that I am here to care for my children. In addition to the will, life insurance, etc, I have a list of all my son's (who's a DAN protocol kid) supplements and where to get them in case something happens to me.
Petra, one thought for you tonight about your younger "normal son". My closest friend's older brother has a brain injury. At age 40, he was diagnosed with autism (no one considered him to have autism as a child because he had language). He is severely impaired, he cannot work and he will never live independently. I do not want to minimize the issues of a sibling of a person with special needs but my friend loves her brother and considers it her solemn responsibility to take care of him. She has told me on many occasions that she will do "whatever it takes." She also told me that she felt a huge sense of relief when her daughter was about five years old because she knows if she predeceases her brother her child will take care of him. One of the reasons she fell in love with her husband was because of how he interacted with her brother. This is not what she would have chosen for her brother or her family but it has contributed to her character.
Gail C.
Oh god. This kills me. My heart is racing.
:(
Petra by picking up the reigns I mean sticking up for his big bro, making sure his carers know the importance of his regime. I wouldn't expect him to do it but he'll be around to keep a casting eye.
This made me cry! I absolutely love good teachers! I also pray for little N. Heartbreaking!
Thanks for sharing his story.
It seems like we could do more to give these kids a permanent home. Maybe he was going to his forever family?
Amanda, Gail C - thanks so much for your words. You've helped me gat a slightly different perspective on things.
I got to have faith eh? Things will work themselves out.. somehow..
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