This essay over at Literary Mama really touched me. (Laura Shumaker is the author of A Regular Guy With Autism. You can read the first three chapters here). We've been having our own sibling issues as of late.
Seth has begun to surpass Riley in a lot of physical areas. Swimming, biking, climbing. She is taking it hard, becoming furious at him for his typical development.
"YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!" she'll scream in his face.
He thoughtfully, sweetly, tries to convince her, "No I'm not. No I'm not, Riley."
Today he swam underwater for the first time and she had a complete breakdown over it. She's nowhere near being able to do this; still clinging to the swim teacher for dear life. If we make a big deal of Seth's accomplishments, Riley falls to pieces. Screaming pieces. The level of self hatred she already has for not being able to do typical kid stuff, cartwheels, somersaults, etc. It's heartbreaking. I can talk up her strengths 'til I'm blue in the face, and it's in one ear and out the other.
We're sending Seth to a beautiful day camp for six weeks this summer. The director said they would try to accommodate Riley, perhaps if we hired an aide, etc. It might work.
I thanked her, but no.
Seth is a dream come true brother
and he needs some room to grow.
About Me
- Michelle O'Neil
- I've written for Literary Mama,The Imperfect Parent,Cool Cleveland,The Mad as Hell Club and the anthologies pictured below. I'm also a contributor to Hopeful Parents. In recent former lives, I worked in radio news and as a registered nurse. I blog about one Hot Toddy,two great kiddos,spirituality, autism and whatever else tickles me. Our daughter Riley is nine and has Asperger's,our son Seth is seven. Thanks for stopping! Make yourself at home.
Anthologies I've contributed to:
Countdown to Riley's Service Dog
I support gay marriage
Blog Roll
- 4 Paws for Ability
- 4 Paws for Kheira
- Author Mom With Dogs
- Carnal Zen
- Changing Trains
- Charlie the North Star Dog
- Courtney Sheinmel
- Creative Ink
- DC IMPACT
- Drama Mama
- Fully Caffeinated
- GMO-FREE SHOPPING GUIDE
- Healing and Preventing Autism
- Hopeful Parents
- Identity Crisis
- Incipient Turvy
- Indiebound.org
- Jennifer Lauck
- Jess Wilson
- Kario
- Kim Stagliano
- Laura Goodin
- Lend 4 Health
- Lessons from Liberty
- Lisa Romeo
- Literary Mama
- Look Me In The Eye
- Mad As Hell Club
- MB12
- Mercurious
- Normal Films
- Pixie Mama
- Real(tor) Thoughts
- Reflections on the Pond
- Roughly Speaking
- Teachings of Abraham
- TED Talks
- Teen Autism
- The Believing Soul
- The Daily Puppy
- The Pioneer Woman
- This Mom
- Working With Words
- Writer Unboxed
14 comments:
Wow, that was some essay; thanks for the link. I'm sorry to hear that Riley is struggling so with self-esteem issues. I wish I knew what to say or do to help. All I have is love, hugs, and a good ear. xoxo
What a tough spot for a little brother. That's a good idea about camp - I bet he will love it.
I'm so with Riley! I remember being upset that my little brother could do things I couldn't. It's hard! And Seth is such a good brother to try to downplay it. I want to give him a hug.
How cool is that! Camp for Seth--go Seth.
Bless Riley. I get it. And she has done so much growing herself, I'm sure it is hard for her to see how much she has done.
Hugs to you all.
Now this is where I score BIG TIME having no normal kids in the house!! LOL!!
(Bear with me, it's the only plus I get!)
what a wonderful decision - it will be great for seth to have a place of his own, just as it will be awfully nice for riley to have some of her own space too, free from her own comparisons
That's the conundrum of Asperger's isn't it? Enough self awareness to.... know. But Michelle, you work so hard to help Riley succeed. She'll come by those milestones in her time and with your constant care. Your willingness to use biomed combined with love and perseverance will be her ticket to becoming the best young woman she can. Know that.
KIM
That essay was really something. Camp for Seth sounds great and it will give Riley some time to be herself and not have to compare.
It's Seth's turn.
wow--i hear you. we're starting to go through the same stuff--Ethan is 3 years older than James, and now James is starting to catch up with him, and it drives Ethan crazy. We do the same thing--separate them to give them some space to grow
Haven' read the essay yet.. I'll go over shortly..
I so hear you on the sib issues. There's 5 years between my boys, and there was nothing more heartbreaking than watching my, at that time. 2.5 year old hop on a scooter and 'sail away', while my, at that time 7.5 year old, had not even figured out yet how to hold on to the scooter, put one foot on the scooter and push off with the other one...
Physically my almost 6 year old continues to outpace his almost 11 year old brother. But Salamander has caught up a lot over the past year.. and he is becoming OK (emotional maturization) with the fact that his little brother is better at the physical stuff than he is.
The next thing however is coming up.. Potatey (my younger one) is turning out to be one gifted little bugger in the academic arena too. He is flying through stuff (learning to read, learning to write, math facts) that his big bro (until recently) continued to struggle with. So now I have to keep an eye out for the 'academic' competition.
Good idea to let Seth have his own thing. I need to do the same thing for my two.
Self esteem issues are the pits. Sure, there are much much joys associated with your kiddo being on the high functioning side of things. The flip side is that their self awareness is well developed, and they know.. they know..
Bless his heart. He is SUCH a good boy! I can only imagine how hard it feels sometimes. For you and him, and Riley. As a mom, what do you do when your typical child also really needs to hear when he does something well, and feel proud of it? It's not like he can do with out that...but then it also probably feels bad for it, too, because he loves his sister so much, and has such a soft heart for her! *sigh* This is tough.
You are such a good mom! Camp will be good times, for sure.
:)
Good on you for giving him his space this summer.
Riley has the perfect brother for her...
xo
Seth is a fabulous brother, just as as Riley's a fabulous sister. They each need some time to be other things, too. At camp, Seth can shine any way he wants without casting a shadow on Riley. Riley can find her own way in her own time without comparing herself.
Bless you for nurturing them both so beautifully.
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