This play structure is the bane of my existance. The park is within walking distance. So convenient! It has a great playground. All the mature trees make it ideal for shade, plus it has a lake we can hike around. So not worth it.
This is as high as Riley can climb. She clings on that first tier, terrified. With her depth perception issues, it no doubt feels like she's 100 feet up. No one is pushing her to climb, but she wants to. Yesterday, she chewed out Seth for trying to help her, so he gave up and went to play in the treehouse.
She'd been clinging there for a good twenty minutes, when a little guy of four or five hopped on and scampered all the way to the top like it was nothing.
Two insults:
1) When someone else gets on, the whole thing wobbles.
2) He was littler than her and he could climb circles around her.
She started to fret and jiggle. Her whole body rippled with upset. I went over and forced her off the play structure; it was clear she was about to lose it.
As we walked away she began to shriek,
"YOU BAD LITTLE BOY! YOU ARE A BIG SHOW OFF!"
Social skills, anyone?
Tears streamed down her face, and we continued to walk, eventually finding a boulder to sit on. I took her under my arm.
"Riley he wasn't showing off. He was just climbing."
"It isn't fair he can climb all the way to the top. I hate that boy! He is such a big bragger," she cried.
She'd hit black and white mode and could not see it any other way.
"Riley. There are so many things you are good at. You don't need to compare yourself to other people. Everyone does things in their own time."
"I WISH I HAD A FITNESS TALENT, THAT I COULD DO AND I WISH I COULD SHOW OFF AND MAKE SOMEONE ELSE FEEL BAD!"
"No you don't Dolly. You are such a sweetie. You have such a good heart. You would never try to hurt anyone's feelings on purpose."
She put her head on my shoulder and sobbed.
"I'm such a loser!"
"Riley, the reason you feel so bad is because you are thinking all these terrible things about yourself, and God doesn't agree. You're not lined up with Source, that's why you're hurting so much."
"GOD THINKS I'M A BIG DORK!!!"
Note to self: When someone is hurting, it's often a better idea to just offer a shoulder, instead of trying to convince them of any deep spiritual truths.
15 comments:
Ouch. My heart aches for Riley and for you. Wish I had wisdom to offer. Just love.
Dork...
A dork is a drip, a drip is a drop, a drop is water, water is nature, nature is beautiful, therefore Riley is beautiful.
it's so hard NOT to try to talk it through though, to offer some kind of reason ~ to try to make our beautiful, fabulous kids see just how beautiful and fabulous they are.
it's so hard to see them hurt.
(my shoulder's yours)
I love K Fuller's comment
You're so wonderful at offering the shoulder and the words - from all the posts I've read it seems the words do stick even if not at the moment
hugs to Riley -
Oh, Riley. Sometimes it's just so hard. Sending love and hugs.
You know, some days I feel like God thinks I am a big dork, too.
But you are there and you will remind her again when she can hear that that moment was only a moment of her feeling and not the truth...or the Truth.
Only love.
Oh, so hard. Even though she was frustrated and hurt, I imagine she appreciated your comfort (both the words and the shoulder) more than you may think.
My older daughter will be 42 years old the beginning of April. And there are days when I hear words almost identical to Riley's coming from her about how dumb she is, how she is no good, can't do this, that or the other -whatever it may be. And though it took me a long, long time to come to terms with this aspect about her, I spend a little time trying to talk her out of this train of thought but then have to just drop it and let her finish dealing with it all herself. You're so right -sometimes about all one can do is offer a shoulder when it's needed to cry on or use as a soundinb board. Whatever works, I guess.
Peace.
This sounds so much like me, and I see little snippets of 3-year-old Apple in it as well. You are such a kind and gentle Mom, and Riley is really lucky to have you. <3
You're right - it's the 'fixer' in us that wants so badly to talk our kids down when they're feeling inadequate, but we do just need to let them feel crappy and then get over it.
So sorry. I hope someday Riley conquers this playground - whether that means looking at the structure and dismissing it as unimportant or scampering to the top.
Love.
You're right, and someday I'm going to actually remember that one in time!
God, Riley...I can relate.
She's got the right mom.
Can Riley take herself full circle? If you leave her to rant without saying anything will she get back to the top again on her own? I know I HATE to be interrupted if I'm ranting. A good rant can work wonders.
You know the best bit? She keeps trying and it may be the bain of your life right now but one day it's going to be the best. Look forward to reading about that!
That last paragraph says it all.. I do this all the time... trying to fix the boys' emotional hurst, when frequently they don't need for me to fix things.. they just need for me to listen. Potatey will now interrupt me when I get in fixer mode and tell me "I don't need you to fix, mom. I need you to just listen." Salamander will now tell me up front: "I need to talk with you, mom. And I will tell you if I need helping with fixing." LOL
Poor Riley.. I can so relate. If it helps her, you can tell her that there is an almost 40 year old woman out there who can still NOT climb these things without getting dizzy, nauseaous and terribly afraid she's gonna fall off.
And that there is an almost 11 year old boy who just like her has a hard time with climbing these structures too... he only recently mastered going about half way up (while he too has a monkey of a little brother who zips up all the way to the top like it's nothing).
Tell her we love her. And that we know how hard it is to really really want to do something that seems so dang eaay to everybody else and you just can't....
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