like a special needs mom being witness to another special needs kid being bullied by a member of the school's "Before Care" staff.
Little Man isn't diagnosed, but he is clearly, CLEARLY, clearly on the spectrum. He's got some tics. He rarely speaks. He climbs under his desk, covering his ears with his hands during class parties. I don't know what his home life is like. I've never met his parents. I do know he's in the right class. They throw a lot of undiagnosed kids into the inclusion class. It's an undiagnosed kid's best hope. A bit taxing on the teachers, and it runs the risk of no longer being an inclusion class, but it's the best hope for these little kiddos.
So Little Man is in "Before Care" which is basically run by two lunch ladies. I'm not sure if they are actual lunch ladies but that is how qualified the two seem to be. No offense to any lunch ladies out there, but from my own experience as a child, most of you suck.
I happen to have gone in through a different door this morning because it was raining and I had two extra neighbor kids with me so I drove and parked in the lot. We had to walk through the Community Room where Before Care is held, to enter the school.
Little Man was in trouble. Little Man probably didn't process a direction correctly. I say that because Little Man is not a trouble seeker. He's pretty quiet and to himself. So the lunch lady sat him all by himself at a table on the other side of the room. Then it was time to line up, and all the kids lined up, and Little Man went to line up too and she reamed him out.
"I DIDN'T SAY YOU! YOU GET BACK TO THAT TABLE. I DID NOT TELL YOU TO GET UP!"
The hate in her voice was palpable. He had already been crying, but he started crying harder.
At this point, the regular teacher was on her way down the hall to retrieve her kids, I intercepted and told her Little Man was having a hard time, and she, not really knowing what just went on intervened, taking him under her loving wing down the hall.
Walking through the Community Room to leave, I heard that old fucking bitty say to her partner in crime,
"I'd like to smack the shit out of that kid. Snot running down his face like that."
They didn't know I was right behind them.
Now, wish I could report that I took the bitch out, but when confronted with situations like this, I tend to freeze in disbelief. I froze.
Then, I turned and walked down the hall and unloaded the whole thing on Riley's special ed teacher. From there I went to the principal and reported her. And when I got home I called her actual boss, and I'm waiting for a call back from him.
So many people of that generation (and many of mine) think the answer to any behavioral issue is ripping a kid to shreds. You have to be pretty disconnected from All That Is to treat another person with such unkindness.
No one has EVER been shamed into connection.
Snot running down his face.
I have to figure out a way to not be her, to her.
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29 comments:
No accidents you fell upon this scene. I can't talk right now, my fury is on over-drive.
I never comment-but I am so glad you heard the whole thing. they better do something-and I hope his family is aware.
karma baby.
OMFG!Thank God you witnessed that and did something. No telling what it could eventually escalate to without some intervention.
Holy crap. Asyou said, gotta fgureout how NOT to be her to her. But, ooh, it sure would feel good for one moment, wouldn't it? *sigh*
Wow...I literally have goose-bumps. What a sad existence she must have to not be able to show empathy or respect to a child. You did the right thing. Confronting her would not have done anything but create more trouble.
Karma is a bitch, though. She will end up in a nursing home in a few years, with snot dripping down her face. Hopefully there will be someone more caring than she is, taking care of her. (Not that she deserves it...)
We call them the LunchNazis, and in your case it is pretty accurate. How sad that someone so hateful would have to work in a school with children or with any people.
This happened at my daughter's group home. I overheard one of the aides tell another girl that her mother would beat her for losing her glasses. I was so shocked I couldn't confront the lady. I did tell the girl's parents and the manager though. But I freeze too. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this. No answers yet.
It's the last line - to not BE her to her...you have true compassion.
You SO did the right thing.
Thank you from Little Man's parents, wherever they are.
I am in shock! No child should ever be treated that way or spoken about that way-special needs or not. That woman clearly needs to find a new job.
Natalie
I admire your compassion...but I don't know if I could deal with her and not act just like her.
I hope she is fired for sure.
There is no discipline appropriate for her. Goodbye.
If Mr. Man has an IEP she is done for.
Since this child has no voice, who will tell his parents why he is scared to go to school or acts out every morning? Verbal abuse of a child is abuse period. Today you were an Angel.
I'm crying right now. That is my greatests fear that I won't be around to protect my Zack when people are so mean. Its not his fault he is brain injured. Praise God that we live in a country that allows me to homeschool him!
Oh my gawd, the poor boy!!! A million thank yous for your compassion and courage.
Oh, my. So glad you were there to do what you could to protect little man...and to speak up about the inappropriateness of these women. I must admit that in my early, early years I did some stupid, unkind things. I like to think I have more compassion and awareness now. Hopefully, this case will turn out to have a better ending.
Michelle,
I think you handled this situation perfectly - someone as ignorant as that OFB (Old F'ing Bitty) would never have heard anything you said anyway. There is a special place in hell for OFBs.
thank you so much for doing what you did....
I am crying...that scenario is my greatest fear, that my son will fall victim to an uncaring individual who does not understand him. Worse yet that he will not come home from school and be able to tell me what has happened.
You are an angel for being at the right place and the right time. For advocating for this little man. Thank YOU.
Thank God you were there and reported her. Who knows what else has gone on with that horrible woman and that poor little boy?
Michelle -I wanted to let you know I posted an article from our local newspaper about the lady and her son who got the support dog (the son is autistic) and their school district won't allow the dog in the school. Stop by my post http://oldavonladysorders.blogspot.com and read the article. Jeni
makes me nauseous.
thank god you heard her.
go get her, tiger.
it can't stand. i know it won't.
you are already my hero, but now you're my superhero. ugh, that person...loathesome. i don't even understand why someone like that would put themselves around kids, they clearly have no empathy, no ability to be positive. just a mindless thug exerting their small bit of power. terrible.
and then...there's michelle. hero-lady...i'm so glad you caught that.
I read this earlier and tried to leave a comment but it wouldn't let me for some reason, probably just as well seeing as it was a bit of a rant.
I have developed a response to these kinds of people which takes a lot of effort but it's worth it. I'm overtly nice to them and explain what the issues are and what they might find helpful next time. They usually are so embarrassed they want to crawl under a rock. If that doesn't work on the old witch smack her one for me and ask her how it feels to be on the sticky end.
Good job, sister! I hope they don't let it rest...Make sure to find out.
That poor baby. :(
I freeze too, mostly out of complete shock. I am still stunned at how mean people can be! (I know. I should GET IT by now, but I'm always SHOCKED, horrified even, at how disconnected people can be, esp. people who work with children!)
Sadly this happens everywhere-public schools, private schools (you should see what goes on in some the of the "best" ABA centers!) and guess what? The admin. could care less. The DOE could care less. I have had more parents file complaints for events such as this and much worse (illegal restraints, etc.) and the DOE and admin. looks the other way. It truly is sickening.
Oh no f-ing way-!!!
sorry but you could never be her in any way. I am so sorry for little Man.
When my oldest was in Middle school I went in the hall one morning and waited for the hall to clear as I had some business in the office. A large-fat- rude- woman- office worker saw me leaning against the wall and stormed up to me, finger in my chest and yelled "What you doin here standing on the wall, where you sposed to be?"
She thought I was a student.
Ahemm?I beg your pardon??? I replied.
You a parent?
Yes!
Oh, was all she said and walked away.
I froze on it (the scolding was a warning to me bad parent? feeling)
Thank goodness you were there to witness that. I'm glad you reported her. She doesn't belong anywhere around children. I hope to hear that you've followed up on this. Oh, and you will NEVER EVER be like her...you have way too much compassion.
Oh, Michelle.
How not to be her to her. Yes. Perfect. Because I would like to smack the shit out of that lady. OMG.
xo
You are so wise, Michelle. Thank you for reporting her the way you did. You did the right thing. I don't know if I could have kept myself from pouncing.
Michelle, on behalf of my now not so little man who used to have a lot of Little Man in him and was treated quite badly by a slew of Before and After School Care %^$%@%$, my thanks. And you have my admiration, I would have torn that Bitty to shreds.
And now a sad admission.. to this day, like that Bitty treated Little Man? That's how the outlaws relate to my Salamander - "nothing this kid has that a good smack won't cure.". Been told that in my face more than once (and I don't even want to know how many times it's been said behind my back).
Baseball players make millions a season. The President of Autism Speaks makes hundreds of thousands a year. The people in charge of our children make $9.00 an hour. What the heck is wrong here?
I wish I could take that little man home. I do. I would.
There ought to be a more stringent screening process for the Before Care employees. Most kids, even if they're not on the spectrum, have a rough time with mornings. Add transitions and unfamiliar authority figures who are bitches and it's setting them up for a crappy day.
Hope that lady gets her ass handed to her! You did the right thing.
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