The Girls on the Run 5K

We had to wake up at 5AM to be at the 5K in Akron by 7:00. Riley was too nervous to eat the snack/breakfast we brought in the car. She calmed down a bit when we found the other girls from our team, and took part in the warm ups. There was a bit of a buzz among the girls, "We should all stick together!" I knew it wasn't likely, since they have consistently run at different paces throughout practices this season, but I didn't have time to talk it through with Riley.

As the runners took their marks, it was crowded and loud. The race started on a gravel stretch, so the footing wasn't good. Squished in the middle of the crowd, Riley nervously covered her ears waiting for the horn to sound the start of the race.

When it began, many of the girls from her team sprinted forward with lots of energy, and Riley quickly got behind, what with covering her ears and the not so easy gravel to navigate.

She freaked.

"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" she yelled to her team members, who were far enough ahead not to hear her.

She began crying, and screaming.

"WAIT!"

Talking her through I said, "Riley, c'mon. You'll catch up. They started fast, they'll likely slow down. We can still get them."

"I THOUGHT WE WERE STICKING TOGETHER!" she sobbed.

"Riley, everyone goes at their own pace."

Why didn't I think of preparing her with a social story before the race?

"They hate me. They aren't my friends."

We chugged along, her losing all her energy to fretting, feeling left out and defeated.

This went on for a good 1/2 mile, Riley screaming, and crying but somehow plugging along. She just could not seem to get it together. When all my rational pep talk attempts failed, I lost it on her,

"RILEY. YOU COULD HAVE CAUGHT UP TO THEM BY NOW BUT YOU ARE WEARING YOURSELF OUT BY FREAKING OUT. YOU NEED TO KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW. WE HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO BE HERE TODAY AND YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN IT! I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU RUIN THIS!"

She could not hear me. She continued to jog along, sobbing.

Just when I was losing all hope, we caught up to one of her team mates (a Circle of Friends girl) who was walking by now. Riley was still crying.

"Riley, look. They didn't wait for B either. She is walking. It is okay to walk. Everyone goes at the pace that is right for them."

B started to run with us for a bit, then she needed to walk again.

"Riley," I said. "You have a choice. You can continue to walk with B, or you can run at a pace that feels comfortable to you."

Riley was torn. She wanted to run but didn't want to hurt B's feelings.

B said, "Riley, it's okay if you want to run."

Suddenly Riley "got it."

She decided to run, leaving B behind. Knowing it was okay. She didn't hate B. Maybe the other girls didn't hate her? Maybe they weren't trying to be mean and leave her out? Maybe it was all okay?

Riley finished the race. She ran almost all of it, stopping to walk just a few times and not for very long.

She did it. She'd been sick and hadn't run in a week and still, she finished in the middle of the pack of roughly 90 girls. HT and Seth cheered us on through the finish line. Then, Riley cheered like nobodies business for the girls on her team who finished after her, and there were several. It hadn't occurred to her (or me) we had left some team members behind at the start as well.

Girls on the Run is a great organization. Every girl gets the same # 1 on their shirt and every girl gets a medal when they go through the finish line. Every girl is encouraged and celebrated throughout the season, and especially at the race. It was a wonderful experience.

I am so proud of my girl.

We both learned a lot today. Riley learned she can complete a 5K! She also learned new social concepts.

I learned peers are amazing teachers.
-
This afternoon was my chorus concert. It went well and was so much fun. It was held in a big church and tall people kept sitting in front of Seth and he couldn't see. Therefore Todd let him stand in the aisle, and he couldn't help himself,he had to dance. He got a lot of compliments after the show.

It was a beautiful day in a very full life.

I'm going to bed early.

Nighty-night.

Active Weekend

Forty-eight hours after the dreaded swab, my kids took part in their latest promotional exam. It was crowded. It was looooooooooooong. I am as impressed with Riley holding it together in the tight space with so many other students as I am with the powerful form she did. When she started martial arts less than a year ago, she couldn't tolerate being in a very small class with other kids. She needed one on one instruction.

We tell her everyday, there is nothing she cannot do, though she might have to work harder than others at some things. There are no limits.

She broke her first board today. She was so proud. Last time she was devastated the teacher had to help her do it, especially because Seth needed no help, "and he's younger than me!"

Today she kicked butt.

Seth did a great job too. He practiced a lot for this exam and he remembered all the steps in his form, even though he was struggling just two weeks ago.

Tomorrow is the 5K.

Strep?

You're so yesterday.

*Riley is the yellow belt up front. Seth is the tiny blond boy with the yellow stripe.

Anyone Want a Swab?

If you live in Cleveland, chances are you heard Riley screaming yesterday,

I DON'T WANT A SWAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With just two weeks left of school, both kids have been home sick all week, vomiting. It's been fun. Then, Mr. Seth c/o ("complained of" for you non nursing types) a sore throat, and Riley followed suit.

Getting them dressed and ready to go to the walk-in clinic, Riley started,

"I don't want a swab!"

"I don't want a swab!"

Getting their jackets and Crocs on,

"I don't want a swab!"

"I don't want a swab!"

"I DON'T WANT A SWAB!!!!!!!!!!!"

She got swabbed. I held her arms and she screamed, which makes swabbing all the easier.

Next it was Seth's turn. He opened his mouth like it was nothing. Got his swab.

Riley was livid.

"HE'S BEING BOASTFUL ABOUT BEING BRAVE FOR HIS SWAB!"

+ for strep.

Both of 'em.

Folks, it's been a looong week.

Linda Blair Rescues Cute Doggies

One of the horrors of my childhood occurred the day my father took me to see The Excorcist at the theater. I was six. I don't believe it was a malicious attempt to harm me, just no consideration of my well being whatsoever. He wanted to see it, and happened to be saddled with me that day. We didn't make it through the whole movie. I had nightmares for many years.

When I was in my twenties, I tried to face my fear. It's just a movie. If I watch it, maybe I can put it in a different box. I can note the special effects. I can laugh at how ridiculous it is. I didn't make it through the whole thing that time either.

Imagine my surprise when I clicked on The Daily Puppy, and saw a link for The Linda Blair WorldHeart Foundation. Couldn't be, could it? 'Tis.

As thoroughly messed up as it was for my father to take me to that movie, I have to wonder who thought it was a great idea for their child to act in it? What was up with Linda Blair's parents? And who in Hollywood thought it was okay to put a little girl in that situation? To be the face of The Excorcist for the rest of her life? No way around it, being that girl, had to have wounded her.

And what about the audience? Give the people what they want, right? Who cares who it might harm in the process.

Todd and I have made a conscious choice to avoid scary movies. We don't watch scary TV shows. We don't find bloody crime scenes entertaining. We don't find violence and victimhood entertaining. There is no place for that kind of energy in our home. We don't invite it into our lives.

Watching the video above helped me. I love that she is working with rescued animals. I hope she has a good life.

Peace be with you, Linda Blair.

Love.

Often, I Get Sidetracked

I was on line, trying to find a place where I could get a nice piece of bread pudding, to go. My friend Fran is moving, and she loves bread pudding more than almost anything in the world, and though I don't want to make it myself, I would like to present her with a piece before the moving trucks arrive later this week. In my search, I came across this video, and found it quite funny.




Bread pudding. I didn't see any in this video.

Focus Michelle, focus.

Hey, Cleveland!

Windsong, Cleveland's Feminist Chorus is having its spring concert and the Columbus Women's chorus will be joining us. There will be seventy women raising their voices in song! This Sunday, May 31, 4pm at The Church of the Covenant on Euclid Avenue in University Circle. Advance tickets can still be purchased online at www.windsongchorus.org ($12 advance/$15 door).

This is my first season singing with Windsong and I have loved every minute of it. They are a talented bunch. I arrive each week for practice, hold on for dear life, and try to keep up with them. There will be an amazing guest soloist, also a fiddle player, and a sign language interpreter who combines the lyrics and music with beautiful movements.

We all have to wear black. I look like death warmed over in black, but don't let that scare you. I'll put on a little extra blush. It will be fine. Trust.

Memorial Day

Love.

Kahlil Gibran

I've purchased The Prophet many times and I've read it many times and I have given it away many times. Each time I buy a copy, I wind up giving it away. I love it so much I can't help but give it away. Bought another copy the other day. I like to have it in the house.

On children:"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from
you,
And though they are with you,
Yet they belong not to you."

On marriage: "Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you."

Love.

Circle of Friends

We walked home from school today nine strong. Nine little girls. Three were unexpected, last minute joiners. I wasn't about to say no. I called their moms from the playground to get permission, and off we tromped on home.

Inside, the snacks were ready. Fresh fruit, pineapple, watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, strawberries. Mild cheddar cheese and crackers. HT picked up the food for me this morning. He feared it was too much. It wasn't.

We did a short little breathing exercise, ridding our bodies of "noise" in all its forms.

With Riley's permission I talked briefly about Asperger's. About how it's sometimes like the brakes on Riley's emotions don't work as well as they do for most. She isn't a cry baby. She feels things bigger, and it's harder for her to recover from upsets than it is for typical kids.

We talked about sarcasm, and humor and how sometimes she doesn't understand those things. Lots of kids with Asperger's don't. Some of the typicals said they don't understand sarcasm either.

We talked about non-verbal communication, and how Riley needs the words, because she doesn't always take in the affirmative nods and other body language.

We talked about how hard she has worked to be where she is today, and what a great job she does, and what a terrific kid she is, and how she would never ever EVER hurt anyone's feelings on purpose, and how just as her emotions are strong, her caring is strong. She cares deeply about people, and animals, etc.

She is a good friend.

We passed around a bag, and each girl pulled out a slip with an emotion on it, and then told the group about a time they felt that emotion. It was a good exercise. The girls really shared. They were attentive to each other.

Riley's arm tic, the one that happens when she is stoked, happy, excited, was going full throttle, so I whispered in her ear and asked for permission to talk about it. She said yes. I know at least one other little girl in the group has had tics in the past(her mom told me). I hope it helped her feel better about them. Riley was so brave and open. I couldn't be more proud of her.

I asked the group if they might be people Riley could go to, if a social situation presented itself that confused her. People she could trust to ask about what it might mean. They all nodded vigorously.

After the formal stuff they all piled into Riley's room to play Littlest Pet Shops.

Two of the little girls do not want to wait 'til their scheduled turns to play with Riley again. One of them has an idea about us making Friendship Bread, where everyone takes some of the dough something or other...she is excited to do this with the group next time.

I told her it sounds like a fabulous idea.

Riley, there in the tie-dye, had fun.

She says the best part was playing in her room with the girls. Let's hope this is the start of lots of that.

The Voca People

Seth was especially thrilled when they got to the Michael Jackson song. Michael Jackson is his "favorite singer." Since Seth is a wee six year old, we have not filled him in on the sad way Michael Jackson's life has unfolded. And Seth has good taste. Michael Jackson's musical talent can't be denied.

But this isn't about plastic surgery and Neverland, this is about the Voca People, and while the white outfits are a tad creepy, I am a sucker for a capella.

Help Me! I've Been Hip-NO-Tized!

Seth has decorated 21 balloons in his spare time over the last 48 hours. Each one is a "guy." This is Hypnotized Guy, (my personal favorite), followed closely by Fancy Restaurant Guy. Hey, a girl's gotta eat.

I could not get Fancy Restaurant Guy to rotate. It is one of life's little disappointments.

I'm not even going to show you Mad Guy or Furious Guy or Dead Guy. They are quite disturbing. Oh, alright, if you think you can take it...

Of course there is also Love Guy (note his heart pupils).

And no gallery would be complete without a self-portrait.
The resemblence is uncanny. I love what you've done with the eyebrows here, Mr. O'Neil. Now back to Love Guy, who did you say your inspiration was?

Your mother? How wonderful.

Of course she no doubt was the inspiration for Mad Guy and Furious Guy too.

Thank You for Taking My Call ; )

Today I had the privilege of talking with Rev. Ed. Bacon and spiritual teacher Elizabeth Lesser on Oprah's Soul Series. The topic was parenting and spirituality. I was the first caller. It airs again at 7PM for those of you who have XM radio and might want to tune in.

Channel XM 156

Lend 4 Health gets $5000.00!

Can you see it? You will, if enough of us vote.

By taking just a teensy bit of time, you could help kids affected by autism receive bio-medical treatments, and it won't cost you a penny.

Lend 4 Health (on my blog roll if you want more info)provides micro loans to families so they can get bio-med care for their kids, and they have been nominated in a contest on www.changemakers.net. If they win, they will receive $5000.00 which would help Lend 4 Health do what it does.

You have to register, and login to vote. It's a pain, but no more a hassle than it is to register to leave comments on Live Journal or Word Press or a number of other blog host sites.

We made several very small loans to Lend 4 Health a while back, and the cool thing is, the families keep paying them back, which allows us to re-lend the original money. We're talking small loans. No more than twenty bucks a pop. Anytime you want, you can decide to just keep the money you loaned, instead of relending it, but we prefer to look at it as a donation that keeps being recirculated.

So lend if you want to, but this post isn't about lending, it's about voting.

Whaddya say? Go here, and right above the nominees it says "register or login," so you register, and then you log in, and then you have to vote for three of the nominees. And keep your fingers crossed for Lend 4 Health! The contest ends May 22. $5000.00 would go a long way for this amazing organization. Thank you so much for voting.

Two Second Place Ribbons

She did it. She was scared because it was all so different. It was an outside ring, different volunteers were spotting her, etc. she started to freak but got it together. There were four in her competition and she took second place in both events.

On the way home in the car, we were congratulating her, and Seth said, "If you watch the video tape, and you hear someone saying, "Go Riley! Go Riley!" it was me.

Random Saturday morning before everyone else wakes up, trees swaying out the window, looks like rain...

So Riley's Circle of Friends starts this Wednesday. The girl who had no friends will be tromping home with at least 7 or 8, and there are more who want in. My problem has quickly turned from not knowing if anyone would come, to not wanting to leave any other little girls out, but also needing to keep it small in order to be effective with the things we're planning to do.

The girls we invited, having been made aware of Riley's challenges, are already making efforts to include her in free play, at least at Girls on the Run.

Hmm. You mean the kid standing on the side, with her shoulders slumped, staring at the ground wants to join us? Who knew? It didn't appear that way.

Meanwhile, Riley's first horse show is today. If all goes well, the girl who is afraid of heights will somehow magically hop up on a big horse (it still baffles me) and demonstrate her riding skills in a big ring with lots of people watching. She will come home with a ribbon. Every kid gets a ribbon. Every one of them has earned it.

Oh, before her "fancy" recorder concert for the parents the other night, after the incident during the day, she was ramping up, repeating, "I'm so nervous, I'm so nervous," and you could just see her getting very close to losing it, and one of the girls who will be coming to the group came over and exclaimed, "Riley, I am SO nervous!" and that is all it took. Her shoulders dropped. She took a breath. Someone else felt like her. The grin that ensued! It was like someone told her they were long lost twins. I find this helps Riley a lot. If I tell her a story about when I was little, and something similar happened, and how I felt, it really seems to soothe her.

Anyway, HT's raspberry swirl birthday cheesecake beckons me (just a sliver)for breakfast. I wouldn't, would I? You know I would, and not just a sliver. The question is milk? Or coffee? Okay milk first, then coffee. Definitely the way to go. Oh would you look at the time? Gotta run. Ta ta!

Happy Birthday HT

I love you.

Her Dog Will Always Know Where She Is

The danger when your special needs child is doing well, is sometimes people let their guards down. Today was a school assembly. Riley played the recorder up on stage with the whole third grade(front row, blue shorts, pink top). She looked so cute and proud. The concert was for the school kids, and tonight there will be another one for the parents, but since we live just a street away, and since Todd was home from work (on vacation a.k.a. knee surgery) we decided to go to the daytime one too.

Riley's inclusion class has two teachers, one regular, one special ed, and both were at a conference today so she had two substitutes. I'm sure they were given the lo down on Riley, but heck she seems so typical!

They lost her.

When it was time to exit the stage Riley got confused. She went the wrong way and then her classmates were yelling (all ramped up) RILEY! RILEY! RILEY! and motioning her to go the right way, and she thought they were mad at her, because they were yelling at her. She exited the stage, (as the next class was going up) and filed out of the gym but when her class filed back in through the other door to watch the rest of the assembly, Riley wasn't with them, and neither teacher in charge noticed. The substitute teachers sat back down with the group without her.

I got up and looked down the hall. No Riley. I went back to the teachers and asked where she was, and the special ed sub looked around, panicked, and then went searching for her. I looked in the sensory room, she looked in the bathroom, the principal looked down the kindergarten wing. Finally an aide found her sobbing down in the the library wing. She ran. It happens. She got overwhelmed. She has Asperger's.

How long would it have been before anyone even thought to look for her?

I love Riley's school, and I'm not out to get anyone in trouble. It is a good school,with committed teachers. Things happen. People are human.

The support we've received from the overwhelming majority of people who have learned of our service dog effort has been overwhelming. Our hearts will be full of appreciation forever. To the few who think a service dog is a ridiculous idea for such a high functioning kid, perhaps you might consider the possibility you are wrong.

The Divine in me just adores the Divine in you...

Every school morning, we wake up and after everyone has peed, we pile onto the king size for meditation. Sometimes we use a CD that guides us, but usually I lead a visualization. Sometimes Todd will lead and one time Seth did.

In our imaginations we go on a beautiful and predictable walk and then climb into another world, something unpredictable, somewhere in the future. Sometimes they are adults. Sometimes it's just a month or two out. I usually have no idea where we are going when we start the meditation, I just wing it, whatever comes to me. We've been on many, many adventures this way. It usually takes between ten and fifteen minutes.

The kids plop their little legs in my lap, expecting a nice foot & calf rub during the visualization. They are encouraged to breath and relax throughout. It is a soothing way to start the morning, and though you'd think there would be no time for this in the rush before school, we find it makes the whole routine run more smoothly.

Today we went to Big Sur and slept in yurts overlooking the Pacific. Jenny Rough wrote about it a couple of years back, and it popped into my brain this morning, so off we went. We've been to Bali (think Eat, Pray, Love). We've been to Disney, we've been to the Grand Canyon, we've been to Riley's wedding, we've been to Seth's high school graduation and his first guitar concert, and on and on.

In every case, the kids are thriving. They are healthy and strong and there is no reason in this world to ever doubt their well being. I see it. They see it. We breathe it. We know it. We do it because it feels good, not to force any outcomes.

This morning when we wrapped it up, I opened my eyes and Riley and Seth were holding hands.

"Namaste Mommy!" they said.

"Namaste, sweet babies."

"Namaste, Daddy!"

"Namaste."


-Namaste

~

*photo is Riley and Seth holding hands before the last karate exam

Is it hot in here?

Looking back, there were signs. I should have seen them. Like the day HT and I were at Barnes & Noble and not one book, not one, interested me. Gift card in hand, I walked out with nothing. Later the same thing at the library.

Then the hot flashes. 2-3 an hour. Intense ones. Round the clock. How long would it be before I snapped at one of the kids? Been there, no interest in going back. The prickles started at my sinuses, traveled across the top of my head, then down my spine before my body broke out in cold sweats.

Found the perfect doctor, but she couldn't see me 'til late June. Our marriage counselor recommended someone for the interim, and in one visit he told me I was overdosed on thyroid medication. The previous doctor had taken me from hypo to hyper. Plus, (or as a result?)my hormones are messed up again.

He did some tinkering and I am okay, much better, until I can get in with the the specialist next month.

Then, just as I was making a spectacular recovery, I got strep throat. You know how I don't like to tell you about these things while I'm still contagious. Wouldn't want to get you all germy. But it looks like I'm on the mend. See? I can swallow again. Now that I think of it, maybe it was a tiny little bitch and bastard strep cell who caused all the ruckus in Niagra Falls?

Hormones are powerful things. If you feel crazy, get 'em checked. All I'm sayin.'

While we're talking about our ailments, HT has arthroscopic surgery on his knee today. Phonetically, the surgeon's name sounds like "Chicken Dance." Send love.

Yesiree, back in my day, we had to just plain deal with the goiter and the bulging eyes and the hot flashes and the strep, and cut the damn leg off if yer knee gave you trouble. You spoiled kids have it made...

We do. I know we do.

Riley the Non Violent

Riley came home from school last week spent. She had witnessed a friend slap a boy across the face. She was unclear as to what provoked it, but she no longer wanted this girl for a friend. This little girl has been one of the kindest in Riley's class all year. She has taken Riley under her wing, and is scheduled to be part of Riley's Circle of Friends.

We talked about not knowing why she slapped him. Perhaps he did something inappropriate. After all, it is not in A's nature to just slap someone for no reason. We talked about how if a boy touches you in a way that violates your privacy, you have a right to defend yourself.

"For instance Riley, if a boy ever came by and touched or pinched your bottom, you would be entitled to slap him," I said. "You have every right to defend yourself."

She began to sob. The thought of slapping anyone for any reason was beyond her comprehension. We talked about how it's possible to not like something someone does,( like A hitting the boy), but still like that person.

She was a wreck. It is all so confusing to her. She didn't want to go to school this morning because of it.

It's confusing for me too. If I teach her it is okay for A to hit, to defend herself, will she interpret it as, it is okay to be hit? After all, we can dislike something someone does, but still like the person. How do I teach her to stick up for herself? The great spiritual teachers, like Jesus and Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr. would not have taught anyone to hit back. It doesn't resonate with Riley either.

I haven't yet mentioned to her that Mommy was a multiple graduate of DC IMPACT and a teaching assistant for the same program and is trained to incapacitate and knock out would be assailants with various a kicks to the head. Wonder how that'd go over?

But wait. Maybe it would. Maybe I could explain how having had this training has actually made me more peaceful. How knowing I can protect myself, allows me to carry myself differently, making it less likely to become a victim in the first place. When you are truly confident, you don't need to stick around to prove a point, potentially getting yourself in harm's way.

Or even, even, how you can't hurt someone without ultimately harming yourself. So by stopping someone from hurting you, you are actually protecting them from their own further violence which will only boomerang back to them. If you are hyper empathetic like Riley, it could be, I care about you, so I'm going to stop you from hitting me, hurting me etc.

My wish and prayer is to teach my girl to value herself, and care about herself as much as she values and cares about others.

If only the rules were as black and white as she is.

Clarissa

So today is Clarissa's birthday. Happy Birthday Clarissa! We met back when I worked at a radio network in the DC area. She was a biggity-wig news anchor. I was an "editor" and I use that term loosely (I erased tapes on a big tape eraser machine, and did some splicing). She was like the older, wiser sister I never had. Sorry Kelli, you aren't much older and you weren't so wise back then!

Clarissa didn't care I wasn't a biggity-wig. We got on fabulously. Crab cake lunches at the Quarter Deck in Rosyln! Woo-hoo! Matinees at The Arlington Cinema and Draft House. Bring it!

I'd do something crazy, (being 22 & all) like send an inter office email to the whole department, calling the men big fat bald chauvinists(looking back, in their defense, not all of them were bald); she'd somehow smooth it over. She really looked out for me, and rooted for me. She's just that kind of friend.

She moved to Texas, and then to NYC to do her biggity-wig stuff, and you all know what happened to me, nursing school, Todd, Riley, Seth.

Clarissa is back in the DC area now, and she has been undergoing treatment for cancer, and she has been one of the bravest people I have ever known (like you Kelli), and she just somehow keeps so positive. It is amazing.

And with all she's going through, she's still rooting for me, only now she's rooting for us, rooting for Riley, and Todd and Seth.

And it's just so nice to have a friend who roots for you like that.

I'm rooting for you too Clarissa. Big time.

Happy Birthday!

Love.

Moments

When we were in Alaska, on the cruise, we went swimming. The ship had a wave pool and Riley didn't like it one bit. The water would suddenly come sloshing up, over the pool side, it was so unpredictable. The first day she flat out refused to go in. She sat on the edge, hanging on for dear life. I promised I would not force her into the water. After all, it was over her head and she can't swim yet.


The next day, she decided to trust me. She slid off the pool edge and into my arms and I carried her. When a wave came, I bounced my feet off from the bottom of the pool and we went with it. Floating and spinning, her clinging to my neck. I think there was some singing, and some "whoas and wheeees" going on too.


We were having fun. Time didn't exist. She and me, in the water, spinning, spinning, hearts connected in joy, together.


This is one of my go to "moments." If I am having a hard time, or a negative emotion, if I can think of that one time, in the pool, fully present with Riley, not worried about the future, not thinking about the past, if I can think of it for even twenty seconds, better if it's a whole minute, even better if it's two, the whole day can be turned around. It doesn't take much to move out of a negative space.


Focusing on a moment like that, can change things.

Really.

Spit Take

One of the nicest things about our trip to Niagara Falls was the long leisurely meals we shared at the elegant hotel restaurant. Our table overlooked the falls. It was very romantic.

Until.

Our last breakfast. The buffet was to die for! Fresh fruit, cheese, pastry, eggs, bacon, omelets, you name it they had it, and it was delicious.

We sat at our table, enjoying ourselves, having a grand old time.

And then.

I took a sip of coffee. Okay, maybe a gulp. The coffee was good. Not too hot, not too cold. Everything was perfect, and then, for some strange reason I can't quite say, it caught in my throat, and came projectile spewing out of my mouth, spraying all over Todd's breakfast and the wall behind him.

Yes folks, I choked on coffee.

A man from the startled couple at the next table, hesitated. He wasn't sure if I needed to be Heimliched. Note HT never came close to Heimliching me. He said because I was laughing, he knew I wasn't dying.

And I was laughing. As the coffee dripped down the wall behind HT, I laugh/coughed so hard tears streamed from my eyes, making me glad I'd forgotten to put on mascara.

Todd suddenly lost his appetite and set his breakfast aside. He doesn't like coffee and won't even tolerate a little of it in his eggs. He's such a baby.

In my forty years on this earth, nothing quite like this has ever happened to me. Projectiling in a fancy restaurant was not on my to do list.

Who chokes on coffee?

Apparently, I do.

Niagra Falls

Each exhale
decompressing years
of emotion

Head on his chest
jets full blast
in the tub

I remember

you

Only you were younger

More confident;
less wise.

Jacuzzis,

nights away,
should be mandatory

for
us

Thank You

This week, my sister Kelli took time out from her extremely busy schedule to come stay with the kids, providing Todd and I with two nights of rest and relaxation. It was the first time we'd been away together, without the children, in almost nine years.

She got the supplements in. She got a very ramped up Riley into school on Monday(no small feat). She packed lunches. She did dinner, "I'm sorry Aunt Kelli, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I don't like this food you cooked," squeaked Riley.

Despite the rejection of her "cooking" (same chicken nuggets, broccoli, and fries I always feed them) Kelli was taken by the overall sweetness of my kiddos.

Did I mention she was up all night two nights in a row due to the newly spayed kitten who is sequestered in my office and not afraid to meow about it? Ooopsey. Oh yeah, she also did the litter boxes and even took out the garbage!

We were able to share a couple of days with her before and after our trip, and it was so good to have her here, seeing our neighborhood, eating dinner with us, witnessing our lives. She even went to chorus with me on Sunday!

Right now, she's asleep in Seth's bed, Seth is asleep on an air mattress in Riley's room, Riley is asleep in her bed, HT is asleep on the king size, the cats are asleep somewhere in this house, and I am awake, at 5AM, typing away, appreciating my sister.

Thank you Kelli.

Love.

Five Funny Critters

My kids have a CD they have listened to for a couple of years now. It is called Five Funny Critters and it's designed to help children (especially nervous ones) deal with typical childhood anxieties.

There is the groundhog who is afraid of his shadow. There is the caterpillar who is afraid of change. There is the beagle who does not want to run with the pack. There is the fish who doesn't want to go to school, and there is the bear who doesn't want to go to sleep.

The narrator delivers the stories in a soothing respectful tone.

When we first got the CD, my kids wanted to hear it every night. That lasted for months, and then it was on to other things, but occasionally they still ask for it. It's still in the pile by the CD player in the hall between the kids rooms, for easy access.

Last week, Riley had a problem. She seemed pretty worried. She wanted to me know there was a problem, but didn't want to tell me specifics. I pried a little, making sure it wasn't a safety/body issue, and then had to concede. She wanted to work something through on her own, and I had to respect that.

At bed, she told HT, "I have a plan about my problem."

"That's great! What are you going to do?" He asked.

"I'm going to listen to Five Funny Critters to take my mind off it, and then I'm going to be asleep."

Awesome.

We never heard another thing about the problem, whatever it was.

There are a few little critters I'd like to thank.

Of Quilting and Mothering

"Along the way, I also stitched together a version of motherhood, like my quilt, tailored only to me, pieced together from fragments that seemed to fit. Like setting out to sew a simple little quilt, only to watch it grow to a kingsized project, I stumbled and persevered through motherhood. Like sewing, I just kept going, noticing all the many ways I could enlarge it and do it the way that felt right. The further along I got, the better I liked the still-unfolding results of both projects."

-An excerpt from writer Lisa Romeo's wonderful Depression-Era Quilt essay on Skirt!.com.

Read it in its entirety here.